Lets face it...
You’ve learned jealousy from all the people around you, including your parents.
Most people have three core beliefs about relationships that are guaranteed to create jealousy even in the most sexual liberal thinking people.
The sad thing is that most of us have absorbed these beliefs without even realizing it!
Identifying and dismantling these beliefs in our mind and heart is the single most effective way to short-circuit jealousy. The reason why the idea of a threesome is unthinkable to many people is because they’ve been “programmed” this way.
Jealousy Belief #1
If my partner really loved me, he/she wouldn’t have sexual desires for anyone else but me.
This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much he or she loves you. It’s a quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner.
This is nuts isn’t it?
We are sexual beings and it is normal to fantasize about being with other people. Denying these feelings goes against our nature.
Jealousy Belief #2
My partner can only be interested in some one else if I’m not a good enough in bed.
This belief is even more sinister!
With the previous belief you could at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough.
This belief says that if your partner is interested in someone else, it’s your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse therefore your relationship must be a failure.
If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you’re inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!
Jealousy Belief #3
It’s impossible to share love with more than one person at the same time.
This belief is built on the "scarcity economy” of love; the belief that love is a scarce resource, that only so much goes around and that there’s never enough for all.
If my partner gives away love (time, love, affection, sex, support) to anyone else, that means that there is less for me.
This belief creates fear and uncertainty. If this belief were true, then a mother wouldn’t be able to her love her first child as much after she gives birth to the second child because she would have to divide her love between two.
In my eyes love is infinite, and the more you give the more you will receive.
Amending Your Beliefs
The beliefs mentioned below are connected to three primal fears and you’ll need to work on eliminating these fears. It might take a bit of time and effort to adjust and to create a new set of beliefs.
* The first belief expresses a deep fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned.
* The second belief taps into insecurities and the fear of not being adequate or deserving of love
* The third belief is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention.
Think for a moment how much influence these beliefs have had in your life so far.
Have compassion for yourself as you work with these beliefs and gradually replace them with beliefs that support your desire to embrace an open relationship.
Opting for a Better Set of Beliefs
Beliefs can be empowering and disempowering.
You are who you are and you are where you are in your life because of your beliefs.
If you want to start successfully exploring your sexuality it might be a good idea to opt for a new set of beliefs!
Enlightened Belief #1
My partner loves me so much that he/she trusts our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others.
Enlightened Belief #2
Our relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience with other people freely. My partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy.
Enlightened Belief #3
There’s an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Choosing to make love with more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love.
Imagine how different your life would be if you actually had this set of beliefs instead of the previous ones.
A person with this set of beliefs is not only ready to enjoy a threesome, but also ready to take their relationship to new levels of love and understanding.
Unlearning Jealousy
If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might try working on some or all of these points:
* Solid commitment
* Good communication
* Sticking to agreements
* Reassuring each other's love before sexually playing with the 3rd person
* Listening to each other's concerns and taking them seriously whenever they arise
Working on these points will eliminate jealousy a great deal, however they won’t banish jealousy altogether!
Being jealous is simply the way you experience certain feelings. Most people will say things like: “Oh, he makes me so jealous…”
The truth is that jealousy is an internal emotion. No person or behavior can “make” you jealous.
Whether you like it or not, the only person who can really banish jealousy is yourself.
So if you want to unlearn jealousy you need to stop blaming and start acknowledging your feelings.
Next time you feel jealous, ask yourself; what does this jealousy really mean?
Suddenly a new set of answers will come to you and you’ll be able to deal with jealousy in a more intelligent way.
Remind yourself that you enjoy your lover's undivided attention any night you wish.
However the night of your threesome is about sharing and enjoying.
Any hint of perceived competition, or "I'm not getting my share" or "you’re paying too much attention to him/her," and the evening will be ruined faster than the speed of light.
This may lead to developing a sense of awkwardness afterwards with the third person, and a possible quarrel with your partner.
If you make sure you and your partner are both emotionally ready before you actually get involved in a threesome, I can assure you success in taking the first step to fulfilling this beautiful fantasy!
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Frequently Asked Questions
My boufriend and I have broken up because the ...
By: Beautifulroxy32 | 14-07-2008
My boyfriend and I have broken up because the issue of infedelity keeps creeping up. I cant prove that he is unfaithful but in a long distance relationship trust is imperative. I am not sure if I should have made the decision to split...
How do i win my boyfriend back?
By: lovinit | 14-07-2008
how do i win my boyfriend back?
I was with my boyfriend for about one and a half ...
By: lovinit | 14-07-2008
I was with my boyfriend for about one and a half years and then out of the blue he broke up with me. We are still friends and hangout and talk all the time and we still even have sex at times. I just do not understand why he does not want to go out with me. We are perfect for eachother and have so much fun together. How do i win my boyfriend back?
How do i win my boyfriend back?
By: lovinit | 14-07-2008
how do i win my boyfriend back?
What should i do?
By: michelle | 14-07-2008
my man and i have been together for fifteen years and he was always good to me .he used to weigh 280lbs but two years ago he lost the weight and now weighs 175lbs. he was never a very good looking guy but that never mattered to me.i love him no matter what. lately he thinks he really something hot and even though we are togetherhe tries going after other women and rubs it in my face when he gets hit in and what not. now i love him but since he has become another person i have tried to ride it out and hope it was a phase but nothing has changed so far.we have 4 kids togetherbut i am not sure if its worth staying with him.im not feeling good about myself and it dosent help that i am not what i used to be . i am a lil chubby now and things like that.he tells me that i am insecure and its all in my head when i confront him or tell him how i feel.i dont think i am.he says he still loves me and is attracted to me and still wants to be with me but we dont barely ever sleep together.Im so conflicted! i need some one elses thoughts on this.what should i do?
Wife asked if people need good credit to get a ...
By: kingkjun2000 | 14-07-2008
wife asked if people need good credit to get a cell phone. is she ready to get her own cell phone? we are currently separated.
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