Can You Stop the Divorce Process? 5 Tips From Joe

Sometimes in life we are headed down a certain road but then realize we need to change our mind about where we want to go. If your marriage is headed for divorce and yet you are now having second thoughts, you may suddenly feel like you are on the wrong road and want to change course fast.

This reminds me of my friend Joe - he was in the same situation. Initially, Joe had instigated the divorce process with his wife. At that time, things had not been going well in his marriage, and he was absolutely convinced that divorce as the smartest path to happiness. He called a lawyer and that was that.

Then, one day, Joe was looking at some old photos of he and his wife on a beach. They had been taken while on vacation in Maine, a far cry from their home in Southern California. The beach was romantic and mysterious, and in the evening light the couple had been taking a walk when they came upon a little restaurant near the water. They pulled up some chairs and proceeded to eat the best clam bake of their lives.

The memories came flooding back to Joe, and he wished he were back in her arms right now, there on that beach in Maine. Then he snapped back to reality. Trouble was: he was already 6 months into a marital separation and 2 months into official divorce proceedings. And his wife was living 50 miles away in a different town.

Joe immediately knew he had made the wrong decision about his divorce: he desperately wanted his wife back. No, he needed her back. So, he set out on a fact finding mission to find out what he could do.

Can you stop the divorce process? Here is a summary of what Joe found out:

1. You can't stop a divorce if your spouse wants a divorce:

Marriage is viewed as a partnership contract. Therefore, there is no way to stop your divorce if your spouse wants a divorce.

2. Divorce is a no-fault deal:

In most states, divorce is a no-fault deal, meaning that a spouse who wants a divorce can do so without the consent of the other spouse.

3. In legal terms, every divorce has a timeline called a chronology:

Although it varies from state to state, every divorce has its own chronology of about 7 steps, including: filing of the complaint, response, document exchange, settlement, issuance of the divorce decree, trial, and possible appeal.

4. Whether you can stop the divorce depends where you are in the chronology:

Most states have waiting periods between the time of filing for a divorce and the time the divorce is finalized. If both wanted to stop the divorce, both spouses would then withdraw their divorce petition.

5. Find out whether the judgment has been granted:

If you think you can turn your marriage around, find out first whether judgment has been granted. If it has not, and if your spouse agrees, you can ask the judge to stop the divorce proceedings.

Once Joe knew the facts, he got on the proverbial war path to get his life back together. No longer apathetic about his marriage or feeling disempowered in his situation, he set out to win his wife's love back.