Could It Be That You'd Just Need Some Space in Your Relationship?

We've all heard the phrase, "I need some space," but how much do you need, really, in a relationship? That really depends on the people in the relationship. Some people like to be together all the time, and some people like to spend time apart.

It can be hard to find a happy medium that fits both people in a relationship, especially if each person's needs for "space" are different. Of course, it's very difficult if you each have very different ideas about what it means to be "together" or to have space. However, if you can compromise on the level of togetherness and independence each of you needs in a relationship, you can work through this together.

Some people don't like to be alone at all, and are very happy to spend all of their time with friends, family, coworkers, and significant others. They feel a little lost and alone if they have to do things on their own.

Other people need their time alone, and in fact crave it. Without getting a little solitude every day, they may feel burdened and have a hard time simply taking it easy. They always have to be "up," or they always have to be "on" for other people when they're around them, which can be exhausting. That's why they need time alone.

Those are two extremes, but of course a lot of people also fall somewhere in between. They like spending time with their partners, and they also want some time completely alone to balance things out and recharge.

If both people in a relationship fall into this third category of "happy medium" between solitude and togetherness, then it's going to be pretty easy to define your space within the relationship. Similarly, if each of you falls into one of the two extreme groups, where each of you need lots of space or each of you likes being with other people a lot, then things are easier, too.

It can be a problem, though, if each of you has very different needs in that area. If you like your solitude and your partner doesn't want to be alone, you'll need to set some boundaries so that each of you gets at least some of what you want. Each of you will need to understand the other's point of view, and you'll need to compromise so that both of you feel your needs are being met as much as possible.

For example, let's say you need some time alone each day for at least a little while and your partner wants company around the clock. It can be a problem if you simply walk off to be on your own without making sure your partner knows this, and if you don't, he or she may feel neglected or that you don't want to be around him or her.

Or, let's say the opposite is true. You hate to be alone and your partner needs his or her solitude. However, if you hang around all the time, your partner is probably going to feel smothered, and maybe even that you don't trust him or her. He or she may even feel that you're afraid of what happens when you're not around.

Either of these situations, of course, can cause problems in a relationship because your needs for privacy or company are so uneven. The task for each of you, though, is not to force one partner to give up solitude completely or conversely to give up "togetherness" completely, but to come to a good compromise for both of you. And if you talk about it, your partner is going understand why you need what you need, and vice versa.

Remember that if your partner or "hangs around" even when you want some space, recognize that your partner probably doesn't need the same kind of space you do in your relationship.