Did He / She Dump You Or Give You Your Freedom?

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

Getting your ex back may seem like the thing to do. There are many articles on the net telling you how to do it, so there must be something to it. Maybe, but before you put your time and energy into an old relationship that just ended, ask yourself what you would gain by sharing your life with that person again.

If you had a great relationship and he / she suddenly broke it off, chances are you were being deceived. He / she had some issue with you, or there wouldn't have been a reason to part. If it is another person, or a "need for more space", the excuse won't disappear just because you and he / she attempt to give your relationship a second chance. Your ex will still have a wandering eye or a need for "space".

Ask yourself what your relationship was really like. What was good about it? Was the relationship actually good, or were you always looking forward to a time when it might be. Did you enjoy talking to each other? Did you share the same goals and opinions? Do you know what your ex was thinking because of things he / she said, or do you assume you knew because he / she never told you different?

Sometimes people are afraid to share their real feelings. They don't want to disagree, so they don't say anything. They go along to get along until they feel they can change the situation without investing a lot of thought and energy. They allow a relationship to continue until another one comes along so they don't have to spend any time alone. For these folks, unsatisfactory company is better than no company at all.

Other times, they want approval, and are afraid to say what they think. These folks feel that their opinions might meet with disagreement, and that someone else's opinion on the subject is a condemnation of their own views. These people won't tell you how they feel. They will listen to what you say, verbally agree, and head for the hills as soon as they can get away. This person will go along with you rather than tell you their own preferences. You had no idea that this person was harboring resentment, but suddenly the results of their inability to express themselves is entirely your fault.

Did you and he / she really communicate? Were there signs that the break-up was coming? Did he / she seem to be withholding something from you? Did he / she seem to have other things to do during those times you usually spent together? Is it your genuine feeling that a relationship that was healthy and fulfilling for both of you just ended, or are you feeling like a failure because you are no longer a couple?

Being "dumped" always hurts. However, it is important to realize that part of your pain may be the fact of being rejected, rather than a feeling of having true love suddenly withdrawn. Your ex may have done you a favor by ending your partnership and forcing you to re-evaluate your situation. You may be disappointed that things didn't work out with your ex, but maybe your partnership was more habit than genuine love. Let him / her go for awhile and than ask yourself how you're feeling. Is it your ex's personality and actions, or is it just the security of feeling desirable because you had someone? If you can look at your own feelings objectively, you may find that you are better off without your ex, and that your needs can better be met by another person. If you do that, you will be better able to make choices that will enhance your life, rather then settling for something that you're just used to having.