Does My Ass Look Fat in These Jeans? and Other Impossible to Answer Questions…

I enjoyed my payment for yesterdays article so much that here I am again pecking away at my keyboard trying to give my version of the male perspective. I’m sure by reading the title you have a guess at where I am going.

We have all been there standing there waiting to leave to go someplace while our spouse frantically attempts to pick the right outfit that fits the occasion perfectly and also flatters them and or hides the parts of their body that they hate. You the fool that you are who just picked out something that was clean or worse kept the clothes on that you were wearing or even worse yet put on your favorite jeans and t-shirt happen to wander into the line of fire and yep you guessed it get asked that dreaded question that has no right answer.

Does my ass look fat to you?

The blame of course is cast upon the offending jeans/pants and you have to not only somehow sideswipe that loaded question but also not roll your eyes shake your head or give any type of bodily movement which to them means She does have a Fat Ass and it isn’t the jeans fault. You somehow have to get out of there by convincing her that those freaking jeans are no good that the mirror should be replaced and that she looks beautiful in whatever she ultimately chooses.

If you fail to convey those things while appearing sincere or worse yet try to answer the question or roll your eyes or shake your head or try to hurry up the whole process there is a very good chance you will be going alone or worse yet not going at all.(especially if the event was for you or your side ie your friends or family).

Now the problem is that without you having any idea whatsoever your wife girlfriend or significant other has been amping up, the stress building because she had already begun thinking about what she would wear and if it would fit well and who would see her at this event as soon as she heard about the event.

As the day approached unbeknownst to you she was already geared up to spring this loaded question at you if you happened to stagger into this trap innocently under the guise of seeing if she is ready yet. So where does this leave us. Why do they (the women) do this to us poor men? What are they trying to accomplish?

Are they doing it on purpose to ruin your good time and or make you late. (We have all seen the couple who shows up late both in a bad mood obviously still engaged in a pre event while she was getting ready fight that could also include some bitterness or anger towards the man for doing nothing with the house and or kids while she was getting ready).

Is this really just some kind of cry for attention and an easy way to diffuse this situation is to somehow convey to her that she is beautiful lovely smart funny and fashionable certainly more so then everyone else who will be at the party prior to her springing the Does my ass look fat question upon you?

Or is even attempting that by putting yourself in harms way too risky? Are we better off staying away maybe helping with the kids and or cleaning up a littlte while not looking anxious to go giving us a better chance to make it out of the house without conflict?

I sure as hell don’t know.

But I do know one thing you must do if you do get hit with that dreaded question or other similarly loaded questions from your woman you must join forces with her and with all the sincerity you can muster curse those offending jeans and that no good mirror and also tell her how marvelous she looks in her next selection and if all else goes well enjoy youself at the event.