Don't Do These Things if Your are Being Stalked

There are often many recommendations for victims of stalking as to what they should and should not do. Unfortunately, many of the "should not" tips do the opposite. They incite the stalker or force the activity to escalate. So what should a victim do?

Myth: "Obtain a restraining order."

This will give the police documentation that you are experiencing trouble, but should never give you a false sense of security. It's a piece of paper. If your stalker is particularly aggressive, a piece of paper will not stop them from contacting you. If they are confrontational, a piece of paper will not stop a physical attack.

Myth: "Change your telephone number."

This is NOT recommended. The stalker will only become more aggressive if you do this and will try anything to get the new number.

Instead, get a new number and keep the old one. If possible, have the old number connected to an answering machine and the new number can go to your regular telephones. To the stalker, they feel they are still in contact with you. Eventually, the calls will decrease.

Myth: "Move to a new house. Change jobs"

Either change should only be last resort. If you move, be certain you contact everyone, from your employer to the DMV and Voter records, demand they never release your telephone number or address. Take great care to remove all your information from the search engines before you move. Type in your name and see what information comes up. Google and other such engines will offer ways to remove your information from their listing.

Myth: "Talk to them. You might reason with them."

Do not talk with them. That is precisely what they want. They will not listen to reason. Many people make the mistake of believing they can somehow talk the stalker out of stalking. You will not. Stalking is a behavior that requires professional help to eliminate. Your stalker will hear the opposite of what you are saying. "Stop talking to me," will likely come through as, "talk to you tomorrow."

Myth: "Let your friends know."

This is true. Humiliation, the stalker wants this to occur. They will want all those around you to think you are "crazy." It helps their mission. They may even tell their victim, "No one will believe you." Tell anyway. Tell your closest friends, family, and employer. They count on your remaining silent. After you have amassed proof, it will be difficult for them to roll their eyes at you.

Stalking doesn't have to be a silent suffering. You can be forthright and still keep your life relatively normal. If people don't believe you, don't berate yourself. You tried. Stay stong, stand your ground and the behavior should cease.