“experiences From ‘the Flow’ (18): a Good Tilt With a Bar Girl?”

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright March 2008

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the eighteenth episode based on a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

In “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (17)...,” we looked at a lopsided Satisfaction Scale (i.e., when you put the Pluses and Minuses on Your Satisfaction Scale, the scale tilted toward Blatant Incompatibility).

In this article we begin to explore the issue of Compatible Relationships, beginning with relationships involving Asian Bar Girls and Western Men.

- You’ve been a Good Student -

You’ve done everything recommended in the Compatibility Analysis process (i.e., you made Your List, prioritized it, pruned it via some reality checks, weighted each item, categorized each item as a Plus or a Minus, and stepped back and looked at the picture of Your Scale) and hooray!, it tilts toward Compatibility.

(Note: If you haven’t done the Compatibility Analysis described above, please read the previous articles: “Experiences from ‘The Flow” [11] – [17].

You would be doing yourself a great disservice without knowing and understanding the information contained in those articles, especially the discussion about Neutral and Incompatible Relationships).

- So, you’re happy? -

Congratulations, good for you. I’m happy for you.

Really.

What’s that you say? She’s an “ex” Bar Girl? But, she’s really different?

Uh, oh.

I dearly hope you already know, understand, and accept what’s submitted below…

- Bar Girls are people too. –

In no way am I judging the worthiness, rightness, or wrongness of the Bar Girl profession.

In fact, after traveling the world over (several times), I’ve seen the good and the bad in people, saints and sinners alike, in every profession imaginable

I also do not hold the notion of one set of religious beliefs as being right, while all others are wrong. To me, beliefs are simply repetitive thoughts put into action and morality is usually a function of time and place.

And no matter what your personal views are on Bar Girls, you must admit that everyone, including Bar Girls, should be able to pursue the course they choose.

Barring forced bondage into sexual slavery, 99% of Bar Girls see their profession as their best choice among all their (usually dismal) options.

It’s neither good, nor bad. It just is.

People, for whatever reason, do what they need to do.

Of course, it doesn’t excuse the callous way they can think of and treat their customers (outside of the bar), but after reading this article, you may understand why so many Bar Girls are “the way they are”.

As humans, it’s our basic nature to be social and sexual.

It’s in meeting these basic needs (albeit, temporarily) for socializing and sex that is the stock and trade of the Bar Girl profession.

That’s the way it’s been, is, and will always be.

- Business is business -

Obviously, the “Phuying Bar” (Pronounced “Poo-ying Baah,” Thai: Bar Girl) profession supplies a service that the public demands. There is, and will always be, a market for them.

And in purely business terms, it is a proven and lucrative business model.

The only hitch? Human Beings.

Both the Bar Girl and the customer are human beings possessing the gamut of human wants, needs, hang-ups, and emotions.

The biggest challenge for all involved is trying to keep the business side of operations from mixing with the emotional side.

Too many customers “fall in love” and get hurt because they confuse business with pleasure, sex with love.

They fail to realize that the whole setup is a business focused around the sex appeal of each Bar Girl, the cost of her time and her drinks, the cost of your alcohol, and the cost of expensive snacks and food.

Yes, Bar Girls are experts at enticing and exploiting the naïve.

Yes, they can inflate your ego to bursting proportions; making you believe that you are as handsome, sexy, funny, and interesting as they say you are!

Yes, many of them juggle numerous “boyfriends.”

And yes, many of them live with ex-customers.

- The Game -

A lot of people don’t understand (or, after a few beers, choose to forget) that first and foremost, Asian Bars are in business to make money:

A customer pays for his drinks and chooses whether he wants a pretty girl to sit beside him or not. If so, he is charged for the company of the Bar Girl sitting close to him.

Believe me, when the alcohol is flowing and the girl is particularly entertaining, the time really does fly! And before you know it, hours have passed and the bill for her smiling company alone becomes astronomical!

The customer may opt to buy her a drink (a “ladies drink”) which is normally a high-priced, alcohol-free glass of soda or juice and eat some food (snacks or a meal, both over-priced).

Then, the customer may desire more time with her outside of the bar environment. In order to release “his” Bar Girl from the bar, he is required to pay a “bar fine” (of which, she receives a very small percentage of).

He then must negotiate the cost of additional time with her and what he expects from her (e.g., dinner company, dancing, sex, etc.).

Bottom Line: A Bar Girl is part of a business system. And they are experts at what they do: entertain and get money.

So, don’t be surprised if you are only one of many customers she appears to “love”.

Yes, it’s a game.

If you go in blind, you will lose “The Game” miserably - over and over again; most likely ending up as one of the following two loser types:

1) A pathetic, sobbing, and broke sap; or worse,

2) A used, cynical, and bitter man desperately trying to “get even” by stalking the Thai Bars like a sexual predator, looking for any unsuspecting prey that resembles his “ex” (meaning: 95% of the Thai female population).

But if you go in with eyes wide-open, you can have fun playing “The Game” without getting hurt or scammed.

How does one stay sane (and solvent)?

Be smart about your game plan, activities, and budget!

- What’s your game plan? -

If you’re looking for colorful settings, a selection of music, beautiful, friendly women attending to your every need (i.e., alcohol, food, conversation, sex, etc.), AND you are fully prepared to pay the going rates, then, I would say you have a good game plan.

Knock yourself out mate. Enjoy. Have a great, fun time.

But if you’re lonely and looking for love, BEWARE.

Lonely customers carrying a wad of cash into a Thai bar is like throwing bloody chum into a group of circling sharks!

End result?

The poor customer doesn’t have a chance. He is immediately marked with an imaginary “Scarlet $ Sign” on his forehead, swarmed on and eaten alive!

- The Morning After -

The Morning after is often an ugly picture, indeed (emotionally and physically).

The next morning, after his partner for the night has departed, the feelings he was trying to escape with the previous night’s alcohol and foolish antics return in full force.

To add insult to injury, he is also stricken with “buyer’s remorse” when he realizes that he has just spent a fortune to feel this way.

He is now more lonely, broke, and probably angry (at himself, bars, Bar Girls…the world).

More salt into the wound?

Yup, he also has to nurse a hangover that’s worse than a camel tap dancing on his head, then taking a dump down his throat!

Know “The Game” and play it smart.

- The Buddy System -

Like all servicemen, I whole-heartedly believe in the Buddy System. It tempers electrifying situations with some prudent insulation.

Of course, you need to agree who will be the idiot and who will be the sane one before you embark on a night on the town.

Yes, the straight man can have fun too; but his sole purpose is to monitor and stay within the agreed time constraints (meaning: “Are you working tomorrow?”) AND to remain within the allotted (agreed) spending limit.

Also, if you get stuck with a girl you don’t like and can’t seem to shake, you can use your friend as a convenient excuse to leave.

But if both of you play idiot, there’s no end to the trouble you can get into and the amount of money you and your friend will end up shelling out.

‘nuff said – for now.

- 7 Points to Remember -

1. Knowing “The Game” can help you gain insight into the psyche of your current or prospective Bar Girl partner.
2. Never forget that she is in business to make money first, emotions are secondary.
3. Bar Girls are experts at enticing and exploiting naïve customers. They practice the art of ego boosting. They flirt, oozing pheromones that attract anything male within 50 miles! They look into your eyes and hang on every word you utter - in spite of not understanding 99% of what you’re saying! Maintain, mate. Don’t be shark bait!
4. In “The Game,” you can have a good time; BUT you must keep the business aspects of the bar system constantly running in the back of your mind.
5. Use the Buddy System.
6. Be smart, have a solid game plan, and watch your wallet!
7. Lastly, remember this: Disappointment will surely result from unrealistic expectations. Match your expectations with facts and reality.

(I can go on and on about this subject; but I’m saving it for a future book.)

After the above discussion, do you now understand?

Are you still willing to go forward?

The next article, “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ [19]: Another Good Tilt with a Bar Girl?”, is for those fearless souls who insist on having a serious relationship with a Bar Girl.

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, compatible, relationship, bar girl, sex, pluses, minuses, advice, wait, watch, scale, needs, desires.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (14) - Farang: Tipping the Scales. Good or Bad?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (16) - Farang: Make Your Scale Sway or Walk Away.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (17) - Farang: Further Interpretation. Lopsided Scales.”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com