“experiences From ‘the Flow’(15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the fifteenth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

- Steps up to Now -

So, you’ve made a list of your needs and desires. Each item is prioritized (i.e., classified as Vital “V” or Important “I”). All items are ranked (numbered in the order of significance to you). You weighted the items (higher scores to “V” items, lesser scores to “I” items). Then, you assigned a Plus to an item if it was fulfilled/met and a Minus if it wasn’t.

WARNING NOTE: If you had a “V” Minus (i.e., a Vital item that was unfulfilled), you quickly executed your exit strategy!

Why? Simple. If one person in a relationship is not getting a vital item (meaning: I can’t live without it. Or, it’s an absolutely must have!), the relationship is surely doomed.

Finally, you put the sum score of all the Pluses on the “Compatibility” side of your imaginary “Satisfaction Scale” and the sum score of all the Important Minuses on the “Incompatibility” side.

- Your Scale -

What does your “Satisfaction Scale” look like now?

Is it balanced?

Or does the scale tip (slightly or overtly) toward one side?

What do you think? Compatible or Incompatible?

Hold that picture in your mind.

- Neutral Relationships -

Is the sum score of your Pluses equal to the sum score of your Minuses?
In other words, is Your Scale balanced (perfectly still, no tipping either way)?

If so, consider you and your partner as neither Compatible, nor Incompatible – Neutral.

Conscious and continuous effort in adding Pluses and deleting Minuses is necessary to make this situation work.

Why? Boredom and no Net Benefit from the relationship.

Each person is neither overjoyed, nor miserable. Existence becomes zombie-like.

Also, Neutral Compatibility relationships tend to be flighty (i.e., temporary, easily broken). When something or someone remotely better appears, people tend to immediately jump ship.

For her, it could be an offer for a free trip from a total stranger.

It could be a mere acquaintance (or your best friend) who makes more money than you.

Or it could be the fact that she’s saved up enough money to leave you and run off with the local, young motorcycle taxi driver – especially if she likes younger men that she can dominate, athletic bodies, and a lot of conversation - but you are an old, out of shape man; and neither you, nor her speak each other’s language!

The point is this: No one will stay in a relationship for any substantial length of time if a vital need is not being met.

And, from my own experiences, I’ve learned that the overriding, vital need/desire for most Asian women is MONEY. It represents EVERYTHING important to them (i.e., survival, security, prestige, love, etc.).

- False Sense of Security -

I must confess that I am a rather proud and stubborn man. Thinking that “this time will be different,” I have consciously (or unconsciously) made the same mistakes with different partners before learning anything about Western/Asian relationships.

The following may sound a bit paranoid, but believe me, I’VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY. Make no mistake. I’m not cynical or bitter, just a bit wiser than before being severely burned.

Here’s my advice: Don’t’ be lulled into a false sense of security.

Never forget that “Asian Time” does not equal “Western Time.”

Just when you think things are honky-dory because you’ve been together A WHOLE SIX MONTHS, remember that six months is like six days to most Asians!

Practice continual evaluation of your relationship, especially after the honeymoon period is over. Otherwise, you may get blind-sided. After she believes she’s “got” you (that is, the relationship is secure), THEN you will see her REAL SELF.

Don’t hope that she’ll change her basic character for you. Any changes of her basic character must be her own idea, not yours.

And don’t think she’ll change if you heap on the monetary benefits, expensive gifts, and charm - blindly jumping through any and all silly hoops - to make her see how good you are.

Why should she change if she’s already getting what she wants without any extra effort on her part?

Okay, ‘nuff said.

Back to Neutral Relationships.

Of course, the lazy person may be content in a Neutral relationship. He doesn’t really have to do anything.

He’s quite happy with not having to expend the time and energy required to seek out another partner. He gets companionship (however limited that companionship may be).

But here’s the scenario that I’ve seen far too many times in Thailand:

A Farang (Thai: Foreigner) and a Thai woman are in a Neutral Relationship.

If he begins to show signs of discontent, she will quickly appease him with a positive change in her demeanor, attending more to his needs and gives him a little “sedation sex”.

Sometimes, in a rare show of being human – that usually coincides with mutual drunkenness - she throws him a bone (meaning: he gets some “mercy sex”).

Of course, this is a “nice act,” but the effects of the sex are temporary. Usually, in as little as 24 hours, the relationship returns to its original state: Neutral.

Sooner or later, the bored person finds someone else who fulfills more of his needs (Pluses) then makes a hasty exit.

- Affairs and Kiks -

A word about affairs and kiks (Thai: Pronounced “geeks” - mistresses, side-girlfriends or boyfriends).

Affairs occur when one person seeks what he’s not getting from his present partner from someone outside of the relationship, but currently doesn’t want to end the relationship.

The true definition of an affair is when both of the following conditions exist:

1. Whether secretly or overtly, one person is meeting and committing personal or communal resources (i.e., time, money, possessions, etc.) to someone other than his current partner.
2. This is not a mutual agreement within the current relationship.

In Thailand (and in almost every Asian country), affairs with kiks abound. It is somewhat of a status symbol. That is, the richer and more powerful a man is, the more kiks he often has.

It’s common for these affairs with kiks to last for many years – especially if the relationship is kept somewhat discreet, the current partner is willing to look the other way, and there’s no public embarrassment resulting from the affair.

Kiks run the full gamut of socio-economic status. They might be rich, lonely wives, naïve farm girls, professional prostitutes, or college students.

Kiks enjoy many of the relationship Pluses – namely, material possessions and money - and almost none of the Minuses; BUT they are also rather expendable.

The world of kik’s is fraught with distrust, lies, and cut-throat competition. Oftentimes, in an effort to boost finances, a kik will juggle many “boyfriends.” I’ve personally known many Thai women who do this, possessing multiple cell phones, SIM cards, e-mail addresses, and NAMES.

For most kiks, it’s a rather desperate race against Mother Nature and Father Time. They take as much as they can, as quick as they can. In fact, every kik knows the tenuous nature of her relationships. Constantly running in the back of their mind is the fact that there’s always a younger, prettier, and friendlier woman ready to take her place (meaning: bye, bye to their present “cash cow, benefactor”)

Whatever your personal opinions might be about kiks, the fact is this: Prospective mistresses in Asia are plentiful and these relationships are still an entrenched part of the culture.

Since Neutral Relationships spawn discontented, bored participants and kiks are readily available (literally everywhere!), affairs with kiks will continue to be commonplace in Asia.

Okay, now for a little discussion about historical perspectives on relationships.

- Historical Changes in Relationship Philosophies -

In the distant past, Neutral Relationships served a vital purpose – the couple survived.

Even in the recent past, this was called a “successful marriage.” As long as there were no catastrophes, nothing to rock the boat, life was considered “good.” The fact that this type of “stasis” was a listless existence with no joy never crossed their minds.

To them, the security of the relationship overshadows the obvious cries (acts) of silent desperation (i.e., extra-marital relationships and an overabundance of activities spent away from each other like: voluntary overtime, single-person hobbies, male-only or female-only activities, etc.).

In today’s modern society, this setup (a Neutral Relationship) rarely works. People demand more from their relationships than in the past – and rightly so.

All wise people know that it must be a “win/win or no deal.” Anything else invites contempt and ultimately leads to failure.

It’s a testament to the growing, global self-awareness movement that people are now continually examining the state of their relationships. More and more people are summing up the courage these days to face reality and exercise their right to change unpleasant personal situations.

Anything less effectively closes all doors leading to more fulfilling relationships.

Perpetuation of modern-day Neutral Relationships, the futility of trying to change anyone, and more are discussed in the next article: “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(16) - Farang: Make Your Scale Sway or Walk Away.”

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, Thai, neutral, kik, relationship, companionship, discontent, pluses, minuses, compatibility, satisfaction, scale, needs, sex, desires.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (14) - Farang: Tipping the Scales. Good or Bad?”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com