Fixing Breakups – and Getting My Ex Back

So you have broken up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, or significant other.  If it was a close, intense relationship – what we often call "heavy" – then you may be feeling sad, hurt and depressed.  You miss him constantly.  Everything reminds you of him or her. 

You are beset with unanswerable questions.  Was it true what he said, that we needed some time apart?  Or was it that he needed more space?  Can I get him back by being friendly?  Or with a happy, positive attitude?  What if a lot of time has already passed, like a year or more?  Can I still get her back?  And just why did we break up, exactly?  

The very fact that you are asking these questions is a good sign.  It means you think the relationship can be saved, no matter how much time apart has gone by.  Assume for the moment that he feels the same way.  Now, if you caused any hurt or behaved poorly during the split, apologize at once.  Send her a card with a thoughtful, short apology handwritten by you, not one of those pre-printed jobs. 

This accomplishes two things.  First, it is always easier to say you are sorry quickly, for a wrongful act or word, than to wait and dig in your position.  Second, it gives you an opportunity to contact him, and gauge his reaction.  This starts the process of getting your ex back. 

Be straightforward and simple, and use common sense.  Do not try to manipulate the situation, or make him jealous.  Your overall goal is twofold:  You would like to get him back, of course.  But if that does not work for whatever reason, at least for now, you can gain a good friend for the long term.  None of us have enough friends.  Lovers come and go, but friends are forever.  And in the future, who knows what could happen? 

Remember that this is a process that will take time, not a single act that will suddenly solve the problem for you.  Fixing breakups usually takes time, thoughtfulness, some insight and yes, a bit of work.  There are endless books, blogs, forums, courses and Web sites designed to help you with the eternal, infernal question of what to do to get my ex back. 

Consult them if you like.  But any approach you make to your ex, whether written or verbal, must come from the heart.  That means yours.  In other words, it must come from deep down in your soul, not Hallmark.  Spend some quiet time just thinking about your ex, about the good times you had, his likes and dislikes, his quirks and sense of humor, and about why you split up.  

Let your mind roam freely.  I am sure some new ideas and fresh approaches will pop into your head.  Use this insight to plan a new beginning with your ex.  Be sincere, do not use trickery or play games.  Above all, do not be mean-spirited.  If you succeed and get back together with your ex, you will want to start fresh, on the right foot, with no little white lies lurking in the background just waiting to ensnare you.  

A good place to start is to reminisce about your early days, and what attracted you to each other in the first place.  You can recapture those romantic moments with a little effort, creativity and sensitivity.