Hey, That's Not Yours! Exploring The Emotions Of Relationships- And Letting Go!

In my work, I often perceive in my clients a sensitivity that seems to come naturally to those involved in the more spiritual way of living. Most of the people I serve, even if they are unaware of it, have some level of empathic, intuitive or channeling abilities that work in their lives. I find that those who seek spiritual/psychic guidance tend to have a latent spiritual/psychic side to themselves that is craving to come out... like attracts like!

In serving these sensitive, spiritually evolving people, I come across one very common negative trait that I'd like to discuss today. Mis-identification of issues. I know that sounds nearly like medical terminology- but don't worry- it's not that bad!

Mis-identification of issues is the process of taking ownership of issues, addictions, behaviors, etc. that are NOT yours. The most common example of this happens in romantic relationships.

Let's create an example (completely made-up, any similarity to actual events is a 'coincidence') to use throughout this article to help make it more clear...

Jane has been dating Joe for a few months now. Joe tends to take ten steps forward in the relationship- then either completely clam up for a while or take 15 steps back. Now, Jane is starting to feel like she's doing something terribly wrong. She has a hard time injecting positive energy into the relationship because she never quite knows whether Joe is coming or going and what she might be doing to make him run. This is a classic example of 'Not Yours' in action! In the beginning, Jane was completely present with the relationship. The behavior Joe expresses sort of came out of nowhere- and has now turned into a cyclical, nearly addictive pattern.

Joe obviously has some deep-seated issue here with commitment and self-worth, but it's Jane I am worried about. She is taking responsibility for actions, behaviors, beliefs and attitudes which do not belong to her. She basically just took a few pounds off Joe and stuffed them in her backpack.

As humans, we want to care for others and lessen their burden. Empathic folks have this really hard until they learn how to shield and identify properly. We have also been trained in many regards that if something in our life goes wrong- it's time for the blame game. Neither of these beliefs is good or progressive on our spiritual journey. It's important for us to be able to identify- anytime a negative emotion comes up- where it comes from. Is this our internal feeling of guilt, lack, etc.- or are we simply kicking ourselves in the butt over something we have no ownership of? Jane is suffering, piling on the guilt and really starting to destroy her self-value because she thinks Joe's behavior is her problem. The truth is- her breaking-down process due to this toxic energy is probably making things worse. If we could just clean her emotions up, get her clear and focus on the positive, she would 99% likely see Joe change his ways. See how one person doing some deep healing will effect those they are close to an illicit their healing as well... big secret revealed!

Taking accountability for what IS ours and what is NOT ours not only helps clear the energy flow between people- it also helps us get closer to what's going on in our heart and what we have to work with. True compassion does not come from taking on others issues- that's called robbery. Compassion comes forth when we walk alongside those in need- giving them love, energy, support and guidance. If we walk the path for them, they might as well not be living at all. Most of us can agree that some of our biggest hurts and losses led to our biggest personal growth- do you really want to take that away from someone? These are lessons we cannot learn from books- we have to experience the reality of them, hopefully while being surrounded with love and guidance from others, in order to really 'get it'.

Taking the initiative to explore emotions, define what's yours, take accountability for it and work through it is a medicine unparalleled in this world. It allows us to stop blaming others for our issues, to stop taking on other peoples life journey, and to live clear and open to the next step. Here's a break-down of exploring, identifying and letting go...

• Negative emotion arises (fear, guilt, decline in self-value, anger, etc.) that involves another person
• Stop. Breathe. Feel the entirely of the emotion for a few moments
• Talk to the emotion, dialogue with it from inside. See where it comes from, what triggered it, when it came up, etc. Be an emotion detective and try to resolve the root of the toxicity
• Identify with COMPLETE HONESTY to yourself whether this is or is not your issue
• If is IS your issue- now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Begin working on it through honest internal dialogue, meditation, prayer, energy work, self-help books, counseling, etc. Do what you need to do to work through it and overcome while still embracing the lessons it has to offer you
• If it is NOT you emotion- replace it with love for the person who owns it, this changes the vibration immediately. Communicate with the person that you are feeling ____ and would like to be with them in any way you can to help them clear it up. You have to release consciously WITH LOVE, or the cords that attach you to that weight just stick around
• Continue to have open, honest and compassionate dialogue with yourself (first and foremost) and with any others involved. Remember- as they heal, you heal. As yo heal, they heal. Invest as much energy as needed into the situation because in the end it is your medicine.

We are all connected, and ideally want for others what we want for ourselves. Tapping into the flow of unconditional love and true compassion allows us to help others for real, instead of just taking their burdens for a while and not helping either of us get bigger. The healing journey is about loving kindness, compassion and manifesting perfection- with the right paradigm we can all tap that, together, one relationship at a time!

If you have any questions about toady's article- please feel free to contact me via email. I look forward to serving you and your unique life journey through the spiritual arts and unconditional Divine love! Peace & Blessings,

Josh Williams

www.JoshWilliamsOnline.com