How to End an Affair: 5 Tips

Being involved in an affair can force you to go through a rollercoaster of emotions, from the passion you feel for your lover to the piercing guilt that comes from being unfaithful to the person you are lying to. You might even feel the occasional thrill or adrenaline rush that can come from doing something that is "wrong" by societal standards.

Trouble is, you know it cannot last forever. Being in an affair is like living in a situation of controlled chaos - both exciting and ultimately wearing on your spirit. Not to mention the ethical and moral issues you face.

If you believe it is time to end things with your lover, here are 5 tips on how to end an affair:

1. Do it quickly - don't put off the inevitable:

While we sometimes hear of the affair that lasts years or decades, most affairs are a relative flash in the pan, lasting maybe a few weeks or months at the most. All evidence points to the fact that affairs must one day come to an end. Your affair is no exception. For every day that goes by that you do not end it, you risk eventually being found out and hurting the one you love. When affairs end that way, usually at least three hearts are broken instead of just two.

2. Be gentle and respectful to your lover during the breakup:

Of course, to end your affair you will have to face your lover with the fact that you want to break things off. That can be a painful thing to do. While you may not want to admit it, you have probably developed feelings of caring and love for your newer lover, as well. In a sense, you now care romantically about at least two people at the same time. Your lover has feelings, too, and those feelings stand to be hurt if you break things off in an insensitive manner. Also, by going easy on your lover, you can avoid some version of the Fatal Attraction situation whereby the jilted ex-lover starts giving you or your family undue attention. So, share the news of your impending breakup to your lover in a way that is gentle and preserves their dignity.

3. Once you cut things off, cut them off completely:

A strong temptation in ending an affair, of course, is the desire to go back to your lover periodically for sex or other types of intimacy - even though you know you should not. This is especially likely if, since breaking off your affair, you have not made much progress in terms of improving the relationship you have with your original lover. So, make a clean break, as they say, and vow to never see your lover in a romantic way again. Then, to fill up the void, get busy improving the relationship you have with the person you cheated on.

4. Change your phone number and e-mail address if necessary:

To really minimize the temptation to stay in contact with your now-ex-lover, try changing your vital contact information, such as your phone number and e-mail address. Doing so will reduce the temptation to contact them - or they you.

5. Decide whether you will tell the person you cheated on about the affair:

The decision about whether to inform the person you cheated on about your affair is of course an intensely personal one. Some people feel that they cannot fully come clean with their conscious unless they tell the person they cheated on exactly what happened. Of course, this course of action in many cases will lead to a complete loss of trust, devastated emotions for all involved, and a breakup of the original relationship. Some people choose to take the secret to their grave, while others choose to tell all. Regardless of the path you choose, you need to come to terms with your decision and then stick to it.

Ending an affair is never easy. But, you may find that doing so is the smartest course of action as you try to heal your mind, body and soul after the experience. Once you have ended your affair, put 100% of your romantic energy into improving the relationship with the person you cheated on. No matter how bad things may seem now, healing between you can happen - I have seen it first-hand.