Keep Your Temper And Your Relationship

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

Count To 10 before you react. Better yet, insure that your next pay check won't be needed for bail by counting to 20 before you say or do anything you might regret. Hey, if you let yourself cool down a bit before you respond to your lover, your kids, your boss, or anyone else who has a direct effect on your blood pressure, you might both be able to avoid the Gray Bar Hotel and live longer.

What inspired me to write this article was a client who came to see me this morning. I had represented her husband in a domestic violence case earlier this year. She joined me in begging the prosecutor to go easy on him. Today, they have both been charged with domestic violence. The police believe that she tried to hurt her step-daughter.

My former client had gone to the hospital and discovered his man stuff wasn't in the best order. One of the things the doctor thought could have been wrong was the possibility of an "std". My former client went home at about 2:30 a.m., and was most anxious to discuss his medical predicament with my new client, his wife. She insisted that she was not the supplier, and my former client insisted that she was. He slammed out of the house, and my client did the logical thing, rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next day, my former client managed to remove all 3 of the family cars from the house, leaving my current client without transportation. She had a neighbor tour the city with her to find him. When she did, he was determined to make off with her car again. Not being a sissy, she jumped right in the back seat. While she was doing it, my former client was instructing his daughter, the driver, to "step on it". They didn't get very far before the fight began.

Neither party had been unfaithful. The diagnosis the husband got was apparently just "one of those things". Both members of the couple, and the husband's 17 year old daughter, ended up with bruises and sprains. There is a "no contact" order against both of them now. They want to reconcile, but they aren't supposed to talk to each other. They now meet in the park, or in the woods so that the police won't see them talk. You can go to jail for violating a protective order, so they do have to be very careful about getting caught.

Now, how would things have turned out if one of them had counted to 20? Okay, the wife went right back to sleep, and was counting sheep, if anything. But, suppose the husband had had read his diagnosis and counted slowly before consulting his wife. He might have read that his symptoms indicated that he "might", but not necessarily definitely have a sexually transmitted disease. He could calmly have asked his wife if such a thing was possible, and she equally calmly could have informed him that she had not shared her favors with anyone while he was at work. The husband might not have started drinking, and feeling put upon. He wouldn't have asked his 17 year old daughter to get up and help him hide the family's vehicles, the big screen TV, and a few other items that have since been returned to the home. He would not have had her drive him in his less than sober condition. In fact, if they had each kept their darn heads, neither of them would have sampled the county's hospitality. Now they are both facing felony criminal charges.

At the moment your anger peaks, you are not at your most rational. You are most likely to say or do something you'll regret if adrenalin is pumping through your veins, and backing your intelligence into an insignificant corner of your consciousness. If you let a little time elapse before you act, you honestly won't feel so violent. If you are really angry, take a walk. If you engage in brisk exercise, your body will use that serge of energy for something healthier than punching someone you love in the nose, or describing their parentage in less than complementary terms. You will be much more likely to end up in the right if you don't get loud or violent in an attempt to make your point. Even if you don't get your way in the end, or you aren't any happier with the person than you were in the first place, at least you won't have a cot in the local lock-up while you wait for trial.