Recovering From Infidelity, Moving On From The Pain And Humiliation

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

Whether or not you feel your marriage can recover from infidelity, you need to concentrate on your own health. It is far too easy to lose yourself in the grief and sadness being cheated on can cause. It is easy to self medicate by drinking or using drugs. It is easy to sit around feeling depressed and angry. It is easy to lose faith in yourself, and your ability to make wise companionship choices. Here are some ideas that may help you make a healthy new start.

1. Remember, you are still free to make better choices in the future. You may not trust your own judgment, but consider this. We all learn things about ourselves by making mistakes. If you let yourself love someone who is challenged in the truth department, don't feel bad. If you know someone who has never loved foolishly, you know someone who has never loved enough. ." We all make mistakes, and all we can do is live and learn from them. If never being unlucky in love was the norm, the country western singer would have little material to draw from.

2. Give yourself time. Being alone may not be exciting, but it can be good for you. If you learn to enjoy your own company, you will know yourself and your needs better next time you look at a potential partner. If you can make decisions about your attachments from a position of self reliance and security, you'll be more likely to find someone else who is looking for a solid partnership. Trying to hook up with someone when you're in pain is not a good idea. You are more likely to choose someone who salves your ego, than someone who compliments your strengths and weaknesses. When you hurt, you are more likely to attract other people who are hurting.

A sympathetic ear is fine while you're seeking comfort, but another needy person is not in a good position to give you the strength you need. Remember, your ex was needy. If he / she didn't need an ego boost, he / she would have attempted to work out the problems you had together, rather than turn to someone else for solace. You don't want to be the last one to know that your partner isn't strong enough to enhance your life. You will be much happier if you can force yourself to wait until you can assess potential partners with clear eyes.

3. Find things to do that interest you. Join a club or gym. Take up a new hobby. Write that novel you've been thinking about. Buy paints and brushes and an easel and see if there is an artist in you dying to get out. Learn yoga, cooking or photography. In short, fill your mind with new things so the old ones won't have as much space to haunt you.

4. Think of the things that make you happy. Nobody can be sad when they're petting a dog or cat. Kids can cheer you up just by making you laugh. Make yourself a cup of tea and sit outside and watch a sunset. Read a book or go on a trip. If you treat yourself well, you will begin to feel like you deserve respect and love from others. Remember, the affair is proof of your ex's dishonesty and immaturity, not a judgment of your worth. Don't let his / her bad attitude effect how you treat yourself.

5. Join a church or synagog. I'm not suggesting that any religion has the whole truth about spiritual matters. Still, letting faith in something bigger than you into your life can help you bear your burdens. Meeting people who are seeking enlightenment and strength can give you the direction you need now. It isn't so much the doctrine of a given denomination that is important, as it is the love and support you can get from people who are concerned about spiritual matters.

Getting over infidelity in a marriage or partnership is going to hurt. Like any loss life hands you, it will take time to recover. You have a right to feel your pain, and to experience your emotions. However, you also have a right to enjoy your life, and to find lasting happiness. The sooner you let yourself build new contacts and interests, the sooner you will be able to recover your peace of mind. Take your time. Remember, if you are choosing from a position of vulnerability, you won't be objective about what will make sense for you, and you are more likely to find yourself with someone who doesn't meet your needs in the long run.