Understanding the Laws of Initial Attraction

The laws of initial attraction are universal. They ignore the restraints of culture, gender, and language. For most people, being attracted to another person is based upon how that other person looks. We are, by nature, drawn toward those who are physically attractive to us. When we gather the courage to act on that attraction, it can spark the beginning of a romantic relationship.

Occasionally, you may hear people claim that looks are not important to them. While that may suit their ideal about themselves, it ignores our basic human instinct. In truth, all of us are initially attracted to other people for the same reason: because they look good to us. Below, we'll explore what happens during the first glance that sparks our interest in others. We'll also take a closer look at the role that physical chemistry and sexuality play in attraction.

First Glance

Each of us has experienced the sensation that goes through our mind and body when someone catches our eye. It begins with a fleeting glance. Often, our eyes casually drift across another person while scanning a room or watching others. In that moment, attraction is instantly triggered. No matter where we look afterwards, something about that other person draws our attention. The initial attraction tantalizes our curiosity. At the same time, we become acutely aware of our own appearance to others. We struggle to keep calm even as we become increasingly self-conscious. Soon, the first glance gives way to a second and third.

Chemistry And Sexuality

Physical chemistry and our sexual urges are the foundation of initial attraction. When we see someone who is physically appealing to us, our instinctive sexuality takes a more prominent role. We may not even realize that it is happening. Without having even met the person to whom we feel attracted, our mind and body immediately begin sizing them up physically. Our brain reviews whether we would be sexually compatible with them while our body starts going through subtle (or, perhaps not so subtle) physiological changes.

Physical Attraction Reciprocated

While the attraction we feel toward another person can be powerful, it is heightened further when it is reciprocated. When our glance is returned with a friendly smile, it often signals mutual interest. When our gaze holds the other person's attention, an unspoken rapport develops, if even briefly. At this point, the two people who are attracted toward one another may begin using body language to further signal their interest. A flirtatious smile, a playful wink, or a quick glance at the other person's body is part of the silent courtship. Ultimately, it can set the stage for one person to approach the other.

Taking The Next Step

The initial attraction that we feel toward another person can be potent. When it is reciprocated, that attraction may be enough to motivate us to get up and approach the other person. Social scientists have long known that people who are unacquainted with each other go through a series of steps in resolving their attraction to one another. Once our attention is drawn, we seek reciprocation. Then, we approach the other person to interact with them. Eventually, the physical chemistry and sexual arousal that prompted the interaction either goes away or grows.

It all begins with one fleeting glance. While tradition, heritage, ethnicity, and a host of other influences may suppress our instinctive urges, the manner in which we are attracted to others never changes.