V-day: to Bling or not to Bling

Pondering how much to spend on V-day: and for what?

Consider first where you stand with your most significant other. Are you flush with points, the all-important frequent flier miles of the relationship? If so, you may be able to take some risks. Or, are you deep in the Hole where it’s dark and lonely and you need to score some big points on V-day because of that golf weekend you have coming up? Let us assume a middle ground: that is: you have no friggin’ idea where you stand at the moment.

Well there is a simple formula for gift giving that will earn maximum relationship points without blowing your point budget which, as we all know, you already blew on a new set of clubs and/or that trip to Vegas.

Consider then, how much you spent on her last significant occasion, say, her birthday or anniversary; you want to spend less than that (if you have forgotten them, see my other article: “No wonder she considers you a jerkwad”).

Next, consider how much you spent on the last non-occasion gift you bought for her; say, when you last screwed up and felt the need for some sincere apology in the form of flowers and perhaps a trinket. You want to spend more than that.

So the easy way to remember formula is: This Valentine’s Day Gift should be less than the Previous Special Occasion Gift but more than the Previous Non occasion Gift, or

V= NO

where V=Valentine’s Day, SO=previous special occasion gift, NO-non-occasion gift.

Ok, then. You’re preparing to spend just south of the birthday/anniversary, yet north of the last non-event gift. One more thing to remember; spend more than the last V-day gift. I know. Perhaps next year, you will record every gift expense and properly code it so this would not be such a difficult exercise. But that will be then -- this isn’t. Now, you know how much; now the what.

Bling always works -- in the form of, say, a small diamond bracelet or a necklace with her birthstone (which you will remember to record for next year as soon as you find out what it is). Engrave it with that special something you used to say to each other or some allusion to a meaningful event. It is not good to say ‘remember that night! :0)’’, as it is a tad too general. Be specific, say: ‘I still have the poison ivy scars from that night behind the shed . . . remember?’ That way, she will know that you are referring to her alone and not that other floozy you used to hang out with.

Flowers? Of course, flowers. But special flowers -- not the latest supermarket Valentine’s special -- something that says her. And only her. You know, her favorite flower (find out what it is and write it down next to her birthstone on the gift expense log you have created). In a pinch, one dozen red roses should do the trick. (ps red roses have some meaning to women -- like you are about to become engaged; or you really do love her more than your job or at least the same). Also, while you’re in the florist, see if you can scrap up some of those rose petals lying on the floor. For a romantic evening, spread them on the floor in the bedroom -- remember to turn off the game.

There you go: some bling; less than the birthday bling but more than the last non-occasion bling and certainly more than last V-day bling. And flowers, her favorite, or roses. And make sure to give your wife a nicer V-day present than your secretary -- and your girlfriend.

Or, if the above is a tad too onerous, give her cash -- multiple 100’s, nicely wrapped. New bills are the most romantic.

© 2008 I. Glebe

Author
I. Glebe is an ordinary guy. It is from this unique vantage point that he was able to uncover the secrets of relationships and how to make them work for you, even though you may not want to. Having experienced the best and the worst of seven marriages (including two of his own), he can safely say that he is as close to an expert in this stuff as anyone walking the planet.