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What to Do When Your Relationships Have No Depth
Author: Steve Kroening  | Posted: 06-08-2007 | Comments: 0 | Views: 5 | Rating: (50)  (?) 
The other day I was talking to an acquaintance that I've known for over 15 years. The conversation was cordial, as usual. But it was pretty much a surface conversation. You would think that after knowing each other for so long our conversations would have some depth to them. But they never have.
Don't get me wrong. I have great respect for this person. And I don't expect all my relationships to be deep. But for some reason, our relationship has never gone beyond shallow conversation. No matter what I do to encourage deeper communication, there seems to be something there that just doesn't let it grow.
Have you ever known anyone like this? Perhaps it describes you. If you're not a deep person and really like to keep things light, most of your relationships may be like this. You may enjoy small talk. And you may not want to have deep relationships.
Let's face it. There seems to be a lot of safety in shallow relationships. After all, you never have to be vulnerable. You never have to reveal who you really are. And you never have to worry about other people betraying who you are. As unreliable as most people seem to be today, this sounds like the perfect place to be.
But it's not. Deep inside each of us is a desire to have rich, fulfilling relationships. Ephesians 4 tells us that all believers in Christ are part of His body and we have a role within that body. Our role is to equip the saints and to build up the body. And the goal for our work is to labor for the body to attain maturity (verses 12-13).
The Greek word used in verse 13 for maturity actually means "complete," and, according to Strong's Concordance, it refers to "various applications of labor, growth, mental and moral character, etc." In other words, every part of the body must be complete, whether you're talking about your mind, will, and emotions, or your works and labors. All of us must strive toward maturity.
When we remain shallow, we withhold parts of our own life from being completed. We hide it. We leave them to lurk in the shadows, where no growth can occur. And where growth doesn't take place, death is close behind.
I believe Judas was just such a man. He never really grasped what Jesus was about. When the expensive perfume was poured on Christ's feet, he completely missed the depth of love the woman had for Christ. The gift showed her vulnerability. It showed her deep devotion to Jesus. But Judas wanted the money to give to the poor -- a noble pursuit, but it showed his lack of depth in relationships.
And, ironically, his shallowness led to betrayal and death. While so many try to protect themselves from others by keeping things shallow, they actually set themselves up to betray others or to be betrayed themselves.
Real safety lies in deep, rich relationships. No, they won't completely protect you in this life. People still make mistakes -- even those we love dearly. But the deeper your relationships go (beginning with Christ), the more joy you'll experience in your time on earth. And you'll lay up treasures in heaven as well. After all, the only thing you can take to heaven with you is your relationship with Christ and your relationships with other believers.
Remember, the goal is to help the body of Christ attain maturity. Like the farmer who toils over his crops, it takes work and effort. You have to be available to do the work. You have to pursue others. And you have to water the relationships regularly. A patient farmer who works hard will have a tremendous harvest. But a passive farmer rarely sees success.
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/religion-articles/what-to-do-when-your-relationships-have-no-depth-194507.html
About the Author:Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom's Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit http://www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.
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Frequently Asked Questions
My boyfriend and i...
By: pixies | 27-07-2008
My boyfriend and i have a 2 1/2 yr. old and i am now 14 wks pregnant. we've only had sex twice since we found out i was expecting. He has a lack of apathy an i am the opposite. I don't know if its because the fact that i'm pregnant that he doesn't feel like it and it makes me feel bad. I am the one who always brings it up or initiates. I don't know what to do anymore?
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By: Donna | 26-07-2008
where can find edible silver beads for wedding cake i live in new jersey and at the border of philadelphia
How do you know it's time to let go of a ...
By: coryia | 26-07-2008
How do you know it's time to let go of a relationshi? My ex-boyfriend and I have been together off and on for over five years. We still care for each other, but when you do know if you should try again or move on. There has been alot of misunderstandings along the way, but I still love him dearly.
My girlfriend has asked for time and space of 3 ...
By: bink | 26-07-2008
My girlfriend has asked for time and space of 3 months. she is going to therapy but I also she has been out with other male friends. She distant and cold to me. When I told her that i gave up she said dont say that and that she is relly trying to deal with her issues. The 3 months ends in sept. do i wait?
Who do i choose or what do i do??
By: diana | 26-07-2008
i love my boyfriend and i know he loves me. we been dating for like a yr and a couple of months. everything is great between me and him. but we dont go out to places like a normal couple would. the reason is not enough time, sometimes money. he works way too mutch and is always tire, witch i understand. trust me i know you may be thinking there should be time but trust me on this one theres not that mutch. we never really go out i just see him at his place like 2 or 3 times a week. so thats why i feel this way. thereS this guy that works at a store i use to work. i can tell he has a crush on me, and im not gonna lie he attracts me a lot. i would say too mutch.
its not really his looks but the way he is, sweet, carrying, and friendly. and he dose like me my friend told me he ask for me, and its obvious he likes me. im going to start working there again soon. i have a feeling that theres a chance i may fall in love with this guy. and i know his going to try to ask me to a date. my point is i have a boyfriend witch i know i love. but that dosent give me the attention i want, but i know its not his fault. but like i need attention i feel like this other guy is going to give to me at the work place. with his flirting, and probably talking. i wouldent feel like this if my boyfriend gave me more attention, but he cant trust me. WHAT DO I DO???
Do I love my girfriend?
By: Eugen G | 26-07-2008
What is wrong with me?
I have been in a relationship with a girl in the last 3 years, her name is Laura. She was in the same class with me at the junior high (5-8) and at the same high school and college, but not in the same class. Since high school she started liking me. She started asking me do little things for her. I noticed that, but I felt she is to soft for me and that I should commit to a serious relationship with her.
Once I got hurt by a girl I felt in love with and Laura was by my side. While having my heart broken I said myself, why shouldn't I try out a relationship with Laura, she was anyway by my side.
After being with her for 3 - 4 months I realized she is too soft for me, but, because she was so in love with me and I knew her for such a long time I couldn't tell her anything. Even though I've noticed what a great girl she is, I couldn't stop thinking that she is too soft for me, but, after one year, I had to tell her what I feelt and we broke up.
For 2 moths I felt relieved, but then she left in the States where she spent her holidays and I only thought of how great she was and how I didn't give her a chance to get to my heart. For 3 months while she was there, I only thought of her and only her. I kept remembering over and over her warm face and her full of love look.
When she came back I wanted to get back with her and for a full year everything was so great it was the most beautiful year of my life.
When the summer came, she went back to the States where she, again, spent her holiday. That summer was so painful and I wanted her back so badly. The first few weeks were the most painful without her but then I got accustomed. After she came back we had a trip to Paris and more recently to Budabest. Everything was like a dream.
We are both still living with our parents. We are both programmers but we're not working in the same place. Every day after we finished work, she was coming over my place where we stayed in my room talking, watching movies or doing something else or going outside.
Since the last 5 months I changed my work place. I'm now working from home and in the last 3 weeks something changed. My thoughts are just like those I had in the first year with her. I feel she might not be the one for me. I realize we don't have different preoccupations and we are always together and I know that since we are all the time together we got bored. But I always have the constant fear that she might not be the one for me.
The thing is though, this time, I don't want to break up with her, I just want things to be the same as they were after we got back together 2 years ago. I made plans, I would like to marry her because I know she is special and I might never find somebody like her and I don't want her to suffer because of me, but I always have the fear that she might not be the one for me.
I'm desperate and I don't know what I should do. She noticed there is something wrong with me and after I told her what's bothering me, she is desperate too. Neither of us wants to break up, but how can I step out of this? We are in a break now.
I made a list of thins that I like about her
She loves me more than she loves herself
She trusts me
She sees me as a strong person
She gives me strength and confidence
She gives me peace
She has a soft voice
She has a gentle, forgiving and good soul
She is beautifull
She likes to make me dinner and wash my clothes
She is by my side no matter if my decisions are good or bad
She is strong
She respects me
She knows what she wants
She wants me to be happy
She is not running when there is work to be done
She is devoted and sacred
She is humble and mild
I like her mouth, her teeth, her lips, her hair, her face
When I hug her, I feel her body was made for mine
She has a healthy thinking
She makes me feel important
She makes me feel I have to be a real man
She makes me feel secure
She admires me
I like the way she looks at me
I like the way she talks with me
I like the way she acts with me
I like that she always leaves a good impresion
I admire her
I respect her
I want to cherish her
I want to give her everything
She makes me be carefull of how I dress
She makes me want to be mature
Everybody around me admire her
She is great in bed
Why I don't want her
She always wants to be with me and she suffocates me
She is very undecided about small things
She never takes any initiative
I'm highly energic and active while she is very calm and cautious
She never wants to argue with me
She overprotects me
She admires me too much
She doesn't resemble my appeareance
She is mature and it's not making any silly things
I don't think I'm ready to be as mature as she is
I am affraid I will make her suffer
I am affraid she is not the one for me
I am affraid I don't love her
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