5 Tips For Transitions

"Transitions are good and I hate them," I said only half-jokingly to a dear friend a few years ago.

I love my life these days. I'm happily married, doing work that's meaningful to me, and living on the water.

But I never would have gotten to this point without making my way through many transitions: moving, changing jobs, and ending relationships.

Although in hindsight, I'm grateful for the transitions that brought me to where I am today, in the midst of them I've often struggled and suffered.

PHASES OF TRANSITION

Life transitions are the passages we make when our lives change: something ends, there's a time "in between," and then a new beginning.

Endings can be triggered by external events such as job loss, retirement, illness, death, divorce, or an "empty nest." They can also be initiated by internal events, something inside us shifting, changing, falling away, or coming apart.

After the ending there's a neutral zone, a space between what was and what will be.

Eventually we find our way to a new beginning whatever form it may take: new relationships, projects, places, work, goals, passions, feelings, or self-identity.

In our culture, the process of transition -- ending, in between, new beginning -- is seldom recognized or valued. We are not taught how to do transitions which makes it harder to navigate our way through what is a natural, normal process. We think that we (and others) should just "get on with it!"

Transitions can be painful. Your thoughts may run wild. Your feelings (anger, grief, confusion, emptiness, fear) may be intense and feel out of control. It may seem the transition is never going to end. You struggle, fight, and resist it, which makes it more painful.

I'm definitely not going to say transitions are easy, fun, happy times. But in making my way through my own transitions and helping others through theirs, I've learned ways to more easily navigate these trying times.

IN YOUR LIFE

Here are some tips for making your way through life transitions with a bit more ease.

1) Recognize you're in transition and identify where you are in the process.

Recently a friend of mine was struggling. As we talked it became clear she was smack in the midst of the neutral zone of a life transition. Just recognizing this created more ease in her and then we were able to identify some actions she could take to make her neutral zone time less painful and more fruitful.

2) Take your time.

Don't try to hurry the inner process of transition. Transitions seem to have a life of their own so there's no point in trying to put them on your mind's timetable.

In the fall, our Japanese maple sheds its lacy leaves. Nothing will make new leaves appear before their time in the spring. So it is with our life transitions. They have their seasons and their phases. We can't force ourselves to be done grieving. We can't will ourselves to know what we want next. We can't make ourselves stop feeling empty or confused. What we can do is allow ourselves the time we need.

3) Step up your self-care.

Transitions can take their toll on your body, mind, and spirit so pamper yourself. Make plenty of time to do what is most nourishing and nurturing for you.

The standard "prescriptions" of sleep, healthy food, and exercise will help. As will the special things that work best for you (massage, beach walks, playing with pets, time alone, dinner with friends, journaling, etc.).

4) Be with and deal with the stage you're in.

If you're in the ending phase, that may mean allowing your reactions, your grieving, your anger.

In the emptiness and seeming aimlessness of the neutral zone it might mean surrendering and taking reflective time for yourself.

As you move into new beginnings, cultivating your curiosity about what lies ahead and staying open to external and internal clues about what's next for you can be helpful. You may also need to face your fears, anxieties, and doubts about the new beginnings that arise.

5) Follow your lights.

Don't I always have to say something about this?!!? I do find this to be one of life's most useful tools. Whether you're in the ending, neutral zone, or new beginning phase of transitions, notice what lights you up. Although they may glimmer only faintly, some choices, some paths, some steps will have more energy than others. Following these glimmers will ease and may even accelerate your transition.

Like them or not, transitions are an unavoidable part of life. Most often they lead us to a next chapter in life which we enjoy even more than the previous one (even if we were sure that would never be the case!). May you navigate your transitions with a bit more ease and find your way to joyous new beginnings!

Enjoy!