Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (7): Happiness – are You Looking in the Right Place?

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright May 2008

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

(*This article is based on the ideas presented in the book “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. This article is also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Release Date: 2008.)

Note: Throughout this article The Original Substance is the name used for: GOD, The One, Gaya, Infinite Intelligence, The Universe, etc. Please substitute this name with the name/word you feel comfortable with.

It’s 3:00 AM.

True to form, since I went to bed last night too early, here I am awake at zero-dark, thirty. I’m alone. For the first time (in a long time), I don’t have a wife, live-in partner, or a date sleeping next to me.

It’s been that way for awhile now.

I’m relaxed.

And since I quit teaching High School English recently, I have nothing urgent to do for tomorrow/today.

Another first.

I can’t remember the last time I WASN’T preparing for some kind of military mission, business meeting, college class, teacher’s activity, or family obligation.

And it’s okay, REALLY okay. I’m actually happy with it.

Then it struck me.

At 45 years old, I’d finally found the place where happiness resides…

- Many Accomplishments, No Happiness. -

Like the rest of the world, I expected to automatically bring happiness into my life by getting and doing certain “things,” things that everyone agreed were universally “good” and would make me “happy.”

I got an education. My college degrees (A.A., B.S., and MBA) provided a sense of accomplishment and other benefits, but they didn’t make me happy.

I got married (and divorced several times). While being married, I enjoyed some companionship and love, but it didn’t make me happy.

I became a father (twice). I felt pride and protectiveness, but parenthood didn’t make me happy.

I served a full career in the U.S. Military, doing things that most people can only dream of. It [the career] gave me many adventures, challenges; let me see the world, and a lifetime pension; but it didn’t make me happy.

Partying is fun, but it doesn’t make me happy.

Sex is fun, but it doesn’t make me happy.

- Temporary Delight vs. Happiness –

There is a big difference between temporary delight and true happiness. Many people confuse the two. Both produce positive feelings and smiles. Both produce “good feeling, almost narcotic” chemical changes in the brain and body.

But there are some big differences between them.

1) The first, obvious difference is the duration of the good feelings. For example, buying a nice, new gadget or toy, clothes, or a one-time experience can give you temporary delight. But knowing that you can be happy without these baubles provides a deeper and longer lasting good feeling.

2) Temporary delight requires external events, people, and things to manifest.

In other words, temporary delight from “taxi-meter pleasures” can only provide, at best; fleeting feelings of what most people confuse as happiness, and are totally dependent on something external (outside of oneself).

True happiness comes from within. It is not contingent on anything external.

True happiness, when fully understood and mastered, can last a lifetime.

(More on this later.)

- Other People are Happy -

During my global travels, I’ve seen thousands of happy people around the world:

Happy people without college degrees.
Happy people without spouses.
Happy people without children.
Happy people without careers.
Happy skinny people.
Happy fat people.
Happy rich people.
Happy poor people.
Happy healthy people.
Happy people without a limb(s) or in wheelchairs.
Happy people who didn’t drink alcohol.
And happy people who were celibate.

After years of observing people from every corner of the world (and all walks of life), I’ve come to finally realize this:

Many things in life can provide temporary delight, BUT they don’t (and can’t) make you truly happy. People can be (and many are) perfectly happy without them.

The problem with most people is that they don’t know the difference between temporary delight and true happiness. They spend their lives seeking happiness by collecting things, experiences, and sometimes even other people.

All of these things are external; therefore, can only produce temporary delight, not true happiness.

With each new “thingy,” they think they are happy, but eventually find out that the good feelings eventually fade. Consequently, most people spend their lives desperately looking for happiness in external things, but only end up with another temporary delight “fix”.

- Blaming Others -

After decades of searching, many people realize that in spite of collecting and achieving many things, they are not happy. At this point, they start blaming their unhappiness on external things.

According to them, the cause of their unhappiness is:

- The wife/significant other
- The job
- Heredity
- Lack of education
- Too much education (over-qualified)
- Age
- Physical limitations
- Poverty with no opportunities
- Affluence with no challenges
- The government
- The economy
- World Events

The people who blame others for their lot in life are subconsciously (or consciously) playing the victim card.

They refuse to take full responsibility for their own lives. They have given away their greatest gift in life: Free-Will, the powerful ability to choose what to think about, how to view their own experiences; and most importantly, how to feel about themselves.

- Invisible to Most, Obvious to only a Few -

Here’s The Secret. It’s a secret that many people don’t know. Among the few that do know it, even fewer accept its truth.

What is this secret?

“Happiness (or unhappiness) is solely an internal, individual, enterprise. They [Happiness and Unhappiness] are not caused by anything external. Both are under total control of the individual. It’s truly a personal choice. And until one embraces this Life Truth, there can be only one result: a life of wandering and collecting SANS TRUE HAPPINESS. ”

(Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, August 2007)

- It’s Not Their Job -

*It’s no one else’s job to make you happy.

In reality, they can’t.

And it’s unfair to lay that kind of burden on anyone.

Of course, it’s nice when people are kind, but remember that they don’t have to be. So when it does happen, you should be grateful and acknowledge any act of kindness.

- It’s Not Your Job -

*It’s not your job to make other people happy (you can’t).

And it’s foolish to think you can.

I’m not advocating callousness or ruthlessness. Always be kind. It will attract more kindness into your life.

- Your Real Job -

*Only you can make yourself happy.

- Their Real Job -

*Only other people can make themselves happy. Period.

- Lasting Happiness -

*Only two things are eternal: the Original Substance and You (your soul).

All else is temporary.

The people you love will die. Your girlfriend or spouse may leave you. Your children will grow up and get lives of their own. Your new toy (e.g., motorcycle, car, computer, cell phone, camera, TV, etc.) will eventually get old and break. Even your own body will be no more someday.

But you and the Original Substance will always “Be.”

Am I advising you to be a pessimist? Absolutely not!

What I’m proposing is this: Once you realize the temporary nature of things, you can enjoy them wholeheartedly while they’re in your life and not mourn the day when you must leave them behind.

Everything has a finite time for enjoyment. And the wise man does not lament their passing.

Basing your happiness on external things is an exercise in futility – those “thingys” are temporary, providing only temporary delight.

- The Right Place -

"And the end of all our exploring. Will be to arrive where we started. And know the place for the first time."

(T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding)

So, where did I finally find True Happiness?

In the one place I hadn’t looked all these years.

In me.

Where are you looking for Happiness, my friend?

“Until next time, be brave enough to take a Different Path.”

Your friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Happiness, temporary, delight, free will, choice, blaming, The Secret, Right Place, prosperity.

Note: If you want to read more about Universal Laws, success, unconditional love, exorcizing past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (5): Why me or why not me? Your choice.”

“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (6): Gratitude – What's Your Perspective?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ series, articles (1) – (23).” (This is a series of articles about love, romance, Asian/Western relationships, relationship analysis, and more.)

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life - My Father”
And much more!

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com