Creative Miserablization: Are You Practicing it Daily?

You've probably heard of creative visualization, a technique that helps you imagine what you desire in great detail with the intention of making it real.

You communicate your desire to your unconscious creative mind so specifically and authentically that your inner mind naturally leads you toward acquiring it.

Say you want to meet the ideal life partner. You've tried dating services, clubs, and fix-ups without success.

So you make it a habit of imagining your desired partner: You imagine him/her a few times a day, perhaps in different settings, moods, and situations. You conjure up your idea of his or her looks, sound, manner. You sense what it's like being with this someone, growing a deep and satisfying bond.

Soon finding such a mate seems possible; you are willing for it to happen, pleasantly expectant, and yet not desperate to force a situation.

You feel possibility and calm rather than overeagerness or anxiety over whether this is or isn't THE ONE.

You believe that at the right time you will meet someone, and it will feel comfortable and natural. As if you already know this person.

And then one day, you meet someone. He may have a different hair color than you expected. Be taller or more muscular. She may work in a different field. Have a larger family than imagined. Still there is a feeling you received what you wanted, with some intriguing differences.

That is creative visualization, successfully realized.

What then is creative miserablization?

Remember how the creative visualizer created an image and feeling for how the desired partner would be?

Creative "miserablizers" focus on the opposite.

Their thoughts run to: "I don't want my life partner to be fat, ugly, rude, a beer drinker, a knitter, unemployed, a spendthrift, a constant dieter. I wouldn't enjoy an intellectual. A penny pincher. A movie addict. I would feel uncomfortable with someone too close to the folks. I couldn't stand a sports lover going out with the pals all time..."

Get the picture?

Here's an example in business: An unemployed miserablizer trying to get a new job will not want a boss like his last boss; not want a job in a particular locale; not want a job requiring a certain set of skills; not want a windowless office.

Nothing is wrong with preferences or boundary setting. But miserablizers focus intently on what they don't want, on what would be miserable - instead of what could make their little hearts sing!

How can you get what you desire when all you think about is what you don't?

It's like making a grocery list featuring only items you don't need.

The same holds true in many arenas: dating, job, residence, friendship. And just about everything else.

How to stop miserabilization chatter?

Ask yourself what your Don't-Wants hint at regarding your Do-Wants:

I don't want someone fat might mean... I want someone of average weight or leaner.

I don't want someone close-minded might mean... I want someone with an open mind, who will listen, share, even change a viewpoint when warranted.

I don't want a job that requires me to learn X,Y and Z the first three months might mean ... I want a position where my current skills in A, B, and C are desired, or where I will get a chance to learn skills within a comfortable timeframe.

Your job is to figure out your Do-Wants and communicate them with openness and patience to those who want or need to know-and willingness to help them achieve what they desire.

That way you share your vision, end your misery, and gently assist others too. ©2009 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.