Giving a Relaxing Massage to Your Partner: 10 Tips

A relaxation massage can help create a loving, healing bond between partners, whether it is between parent and child, husband and wife, or lovers. Before you begin, be sure you have a quiet space in a darkened room where you will be undisturbed.

Most people enjoy soothing relaxation music playing in the background. Some like scented oils or candles, and some enjoy warm rocks placed on the back in between massage of different areas of the body.

1. You need an appropriate surface for your partner to lie on. This will not be a relaxing massage if your partner is nervous about the sturdiness of the table or if you need to move around a lot from one side to the other because the surface is too big. A narrow table is perfect.

2. Make sure your partner is comfortable, with enough cushioning underneath, a small pillow or rolled up towel if the head needs support, and a sheet or towels to cover whatever parts of the body are not being massaged at the current time. This will insure that sufficient warmth and security are maintained. Insecurity about being undressed is not conducive to relaxation either - this may be the case if you are massaging a baby.

3. Most of us carry a lot of tension in our necks and shoulders. These will be focus points for the relaxation massage. However, ask your partner if there are other places s/he would like you to pay particular attention to. Some people carry tension in their hands, others in their legs.

It is appropriate to ask for feedback as you proceed. You can, however, learn a lot by paying attention to body language as you massage different areas. Your baby may fall asleep or smile, your partner may give out a big sigh. Watch for these and other signs of deep relaxation and know that you may have "touched a chord".

4. A relaxing massage is not a deep massage. Mostly you will be stroking, gently pressing and squeezing, and gently manipulating. Even when you are walking from one side of the table to the other, always keep one hand on your partner's body. It is more relaxing for your partner, who probably will have her eyes closed, to always feel your touch than to be startled by your touch suddenly seeming to "come out of nowhere".

5. Stand beside your partner, who should be lying chest down on the table. Begin by placing one hand lightly on the back of the head and gently massaging one side of the head with the other hand, moving your hand in a circular motion.

Stroke the forehead, cheek, nose, mouth and chin. Gently squeeze the ear and press all over the head, including behind the ear.

6. Use the same circular motion to massage the neck and apply gentle pressure around the base of the skull.

7. With both hands, massage the shoulders as if you were kneading bread. Apply pressure with the heels of both hands, gently moving from the lower shoulders towards the neck, then giving a gentle squeeze at the tops of the shoulders.

8. Again using the circular motion, begin at the lower back and massage up towards the shoulder blades. Gently hold one of your partners hands in your left hand (if you are right-handed) and place your partner's hand just above her waist. While holding her hand there, press gently under the shoulder blade with your fingers of your right hand.

If you are holding your partner's left hand, apply the pressure under her left shoulder blade.

9. Now apply these same techniques to the arms and legs. Circular motions, gentle squeezing, and simply holding each finger and toe separately and gently squeezing are extremely relaxing. Your partner may be ticklish, or may ask for more pressure, so be aware and don't be afraid to ask.

Always start your massage at the extremities and work towards the heart - this stimulates circulation and helps increase lymphatic flow. Towards the heart ensures that no pressure of blood is being pushed against closed valves, which could cause damage to blood vessels. There is little or no danger of this in a light relaxation massage, but it is wise to mention it anyways.

10. Finish the massage by lightly brushing over your partner's skin with your fingertips, away from the heart and towards the extremities, as if you were collecting and brushing lightly away any and all negative energies. End each long movement away from the heart by gently shaking your hands free of all these energies.

That's it. Your partner may be asleep, having received perhaps the most wonderful relaxation massage of his or her life! Gently place a light blanket over your partner, and you're done.