Is Amnesia Helpful for Your Happiness?

Hello again,

Have you ever had one of those days when things just don’t go your way, when you just don’t get why but everything seems to be conspiring against you for no apparent reason? They happen to everybody, whether your short or tall, rich or poor, educated or not, and there’s not a lot you can do to stop bad things from happening. Try as we may, plan all you want and get as much preparation as you possibly can, but sometimes circumstances just don’t go the way we want them to.

So what is a person supposed to do? Well, I guess it depends on the circumstances, if it’s something unexpected like someone nearly colliding with your car in traffic it’s hard to control the emotional rush of anger. That actually happened to me just today, which is one reason I’m writing this little piece. As I was slowly backing out of a parking space at the bookstore to leave, a car that had just past me suddenly stopped, put the car in reverse, and backed up very quickly towards my car. I thought there’s not way they don’t see me, right? I had zero time to react, and the car came within inches of hitting me as I watched helplessly. The car finally stopped after passing me, I guess finding the “perfect spot” to park. The driver looked over at me in shock, realizing how close she was to slamming into my car. Ooops, sorry!

Ok, did I a) calmly put my car in drive and leave b) jump out of my car screaming and shaking my fist or c) drive away, shaking with the adrenaline due to the realization I was nearly broadsided. If you picked “C” give yourself two points, but it took a good 10 minutes before I was able to calm down completely. I have to say it is one of those things that happens to me probably once a year, and I’ve only been in one really bad accident. But bad things like this happen all the time, so how do you deal with it? Well, I’ve learned to develop amnesia just for these occasions.

That may sound a little tough to do, but stay with me. Your emotions tend to take over, at least for awhile, but once you regain control you just have to forget it. Just act like it didn’t happen! Does it always work? Not immediately, but with a little practice you can forget things like this pretty quickly. That’s the main point, you must practice this. Quickly think of something else, like where was I going and what was I doing before being so rudely interrupted by this little distraction? Then, move on. Really, it’s the best thing to do for your sanity.

Not only does this work for things like near collisions, but it works for lots of bad things. Locked your keys in your car? Get over it, move on. The IRS is reviewing your taxes? Ok, fix it first then move on. Didn’t get a raise this year? Join the club, times are tough all around, it’s a bad thing but we just have to deal and move on. Your water heater just quit on you and there’s water all over your floor? Yep, been there too. Lot’s of things like these happen to all of us, some more often than others, but they happen. And we can do one of two things – either cry about and complain til’ we’re blue in the face, or just develop amnesia and forget it. I personally think the best way is to forget. Why? What good does it do to get angry, throw a fit, and stew all day when you have the ability to just say “whatever” and forget it?

Logically, you know I’m right. But you’re probably saying “I can’t do that!” – because of the whole emotional control thing. Like I said, it takes practice.

If it helps any, practice what psychologists call “changing state”. (No, don’t move to where things are much easier. There is no place like that). Changing state means to break out of whatever emotional state you happen to be in, and quickly change it to another one. For instance, in a situation where you experience a very bad scare, your heart-rate is raised and your breathing is very rapid. In order to quickly change this state, just take several slow, deep breaths. At the same time think of something else that is calming – like that day at the beach you spent with the family last summer, or giant pink elephants if it helps! Very soon you should be back on track, all calmed down and focused to do what you originally had planned. What was I going to do now? Oh, yeah. That amnesia can be tough to break.

To your continued success and happiness!