Low Self Esteem and Relationship Break-up go Hand in Hand- By Ghyslain Lefebvre

In today’s relationships, self esteem can play a major role in the success of your relationship.  If you or your partner suffers of low self esteem, many things can and will happen.  You will have trouble opening up and sharing with your lover which in tern will make it very difficult for your partner to connect with you.  If you are building an imaginary wall around you and keeping everyone at a safe distance, there is no chance that you will have a successful relationship.

What should you look for in someone’s self esteem and how can it break your relationship?

Low esteem can ruin your relationship so let’s examine the 8 most common symptoms.

The number one reason is if someone is always worried about the future or the past.  They fail to live in the moment. Typically, someone with low self esteem will act that way because think they don’t deserve to be happy so the will always relive their past, usually something that happened that was very negative or they will look into the future at various situation that may or may not happened. If you are that person, and you starting feeling like you are starting to relive the past or starting to focus on the future, focus on your breathing.  The funny thing happens when you are focusing on breathing, you have to be in the moment to do that.

Another low self esteem sign is when someone is always trying to get something they can’t reach or feel should be there’s.  They feel like there is some injustice against them and feel like they are not deserving of whatever somebody else may have. The first step in this case to learn to appreciate what you have before you can get something you don’t have.  So change your vision and start by providing gratitude to others for what you have. 

Next is destroying your own success.  You may say, what do you mean?  Well someone who is suffering of low self esteem can feel they are not deserving of any success so when he or she achieves their goals, they will do something to destroy it. This can only change if your change your habits.  It certainly sounds a lot easier then it is to accomplish but it surely can be done.  Start by becoming aware of what you are doing and take it step by step.  

Someone who suffers of low self esteem may also put themselves down all the time.  What I mean is that they could constantly say, I’m no good, I don’t deserve this, I can’t do this etc. Everything is always negative and I am not talking about the person that claims they failed their school test every week to only come out with an A each time (My wife, she drives me nuts).  In order to help yourself here, you must monitor your self talk.  The way you phrase your response to any comments you make.  Example could be instead of saying” I could never get this”; you could say “up until now, I never got this”. This makes your statement sound a little more positive.

Not getting really intimate with your partner and not opening with others on a deeper level.  They usually don’t feel good about themselves which in return makes it very hard for them to open up and have a healthy relationship. They fear getting hurt if they open up, they fear that they will be left out or abandoned, typically caused by past relationship. They usually feel they can’t or even don’t deserve to be love.  If this is the case, it is time to take a good look at yourself and figure out what you think of yourself, chances are, you don’t think much and you need to change that immediately. 

A workaholic could be someone with low self esteem.  They will use work as a way to avoid having to share their feelings and they will spend endless hours at work.  If your are constantly busy at work but not happy, take a break, may be even a day off just to reflect on who you have become and is it what you really want.

Have you had more than 2 jobs in the last 12 months?  More than 4, 6. Chances are you have low self esteem issues.  You may be trying to find reasons as to why things at work are not good for you and you think the grass is greener somewhere else.  If you look around you, the people that you know that have been at the same job for 2, 3 may be even 4 years, how are they doing financially?  Usually, they are in great shape.  Someone, who hops from job to job, usually is behind on his or her bills.  So you need to figure out what is causing you to feel that way because you will be in the same position 5 years from now that you are today.

The last one I will share with you today is anyone addicted to some kind of drugs.  Now drugs can be in many different ways. It can be food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex, money management or even anger are symptoms of low self esteem. Anyone with an addiction like this can not have a healthy relationship.  An addiction is simply covering up uncomfortable feelings. For a moment we may feel better but in the long run, you are destroying not only your relationship but yourself also.  Like in any addiction, the first step is to acknowledge the problem.  Once you do that, you will be able to start your recovery.

If you find yourself identifying with one or many of the symptoms above, take the appropriate steps to help yourself overcome low self esteem.  If you feel you need help or resources, visit http://www.squidoo.com/overcoming-low-self-esteem-tips