Overcoming the Effects Abuse Can Have on One's Self-esteem

Abuse can take many forms and can come from anyone and anywhere.  The effects that abuse leaves on our psyche can affect those who are unfortunate enough for the rest of their lives.

Since all abuse is not necessarily physical but mental and emotional as well, it’s sometimes hard, especially for children, to know they are being abused.  They only know they feel horrible and want to be accepted.  For adults abuse can wear them down until there seems to be nothing left. 

Having my own life to draw experience from as well as every book I’ve read to date, there is one common thread that unites us all.  And no it’s not the abuse; it’s our humanity.  Our humanity is what makes us truly unique as well as irreplaceable. 

Unfortunately, those who have been subjected to abuse tend to blame themselves, draw inward and grow up fast.  Even more unfortunate is a large majority of survivors tend to repeat those same patterns throughout their own life.  They seem almost helpless to stop themselves and the chain of abuse remains unbroken for yet another generation.
 
Fortunately, there are also many survivors who not only break away from their chains of abuse but change their lives for the better and even empower others to break away as well.  These seemingly superhuman individuals seem to never let their past, no matter how horrific, get to them.  But the truth is they are not superhuman, they are humans with memories and emotions just like you and me and are simply trying to do their best with the life they’ve been given.

So how can we as individuals overcome such adversity?  More importantly is the question: Do we all have that same power within to shape our lives?  Yes we do!  Each and every one of us can be our happiest and truest self while living a more fulfilled life.  No matter what you may have gone through or may be going through right now.  Each of us has our own personal power and it starts with our self esteem.

That’s not to say is doesn’t take some work to achieve your best self.  Abuse takes away a person’s self esteem and this must be restored first.  By accepting your self, your whole self; which means your flaws and all, you can find your self esteem.  Accepting your flaws means accepting your opinions, values, needs and sometimes scary emotions for what they are: part of you.  Forgive yourself when you mess up, learn from it and move on.  Stop attacking yourself when something doesn’t quite turn out right.  Instead be gentle with yourself, again learn from it and then accept that we aren’t meant to be perfect.  Besides it’s not your flaws that define who you are, but our choices that show what we are really made of. 

That is what ultimately sets every individual on his or her path through life, is their choices.  By choosing to face your fears, choosing to be your best self everyday, loving life and your place in it, you find that life really is what you make of it and have now taken more control in your life.  Like attracts like and by slowly evolving into your best self you will draw good people and good things or experiences toward you.  It’s as simple as that.

Now with all that being said, I’m again going to say it won’t be easy.  There will always be ups and downs, hard choices to make and sometimes painful discoveries along the way.  The truth is that’s just life.  When did anyone every say life was going to be easy or that there would be a map telling us which way to go and what to do along the way?  However by staying true to your values, loving yourself and doing your best you will find that the bad really isn’t all that bad.  That’s not to say the world is always rose colored, just that if you only see the bad it will of course always look bad.  But if you try to see or remember the good instead, your world at large will look better as well. 

Going through these experiences is where you will gain your inner strength, learn those important life lessons and realize that you really are going to be O.K.  You really are worth the very best, so give it to yourself first and watch as your best starts to come back to you.  Notice it first in your outlook on life and them from the world around you.  Most importantly doing our very best everyday can change anybody’s life for the better regardless of their experiences, upbringing or situations.  Remember to take heart knowing you are never alone, even if at the time it seems that way.  Also remember that this to shall pass and happier days are just around the corner; you just need to use the power of your mind to first see it and then make it happen.  Good Luck and Take Care :-)