Self-help is Independent

Know Thyself: this has been repeated too often. We've read this short phrase at many places, many a times and it has probably existed for many centuries. But what does it mean? Does it hold any value, any significance for us? Do we really know ourselves? 

Most of us don't. That is what is meant by the word "ignorance". We never observe ourselves, we never look at ourselves as we are. There is a difference between what one is and what one thinks one is. Most of us don't see ourselves as we are but rather as what we would like to be or what we think we should be. Apparently, to look at ourselves directly is very difficult for us. We cover the up the self by various excuses, ideas and ideals. As it is, there are various distractions and means of entertainment at our disposal.

So, at the slightest hint of a problem or conflict, we run away from it and escape through these various means. We never actually look at the problem itself. We never solve our problems but merely escape them. We follow some ideology, read some book, and begin to identify ourselves with that. Through that identification, we feel that we are secure. And when something goes against that, there is conflict, contradiction.

Then there is also a recent development - Positive thinking, which means no matter how much mess I am in, I must think positive, implying that merely by my thinking positively - which means not acknowledging the problem, not looking at it - it will go away. So, we distract ourselves through positive thinking. Then there is this other thing - "believe in yourself". This is also quite a recent development - coupled with the idea of success and self-improvement. I may be completely ignorant, a fool, but I believe in myself, think positively!

That's exactly what many of these so-called self-help books tell you to do. To believe in yourself, to have faith. Faith in what? In something that doesn't actually exist. I can only have faith in something imaginary because that is what "faith" implies - believing in something you know nothing about. It is easy to see that it is merely an escape, a distraction away from what actually is, meant for merely gratifying and comforting oneself. And most of us deceive ourselves very easily through all this. Self-deception, apparently is one of the easiest thing to do.

Seeing all this, and understanding the urgent necessity to learn about oneself, to know oneself as one is, what is one to do? Surely, to learn about oneself, one must be aware of one's reactions, thoughts and feelings. One must be aware of the words one uses, one's thinking and why one thinks in a particular way, why one believes in certain things, one's behavior and relationship to others. One must be aware how one reacts to situations, to ideas, beliefs and people. One must be aware how one listens to another and how one looks at another. That means being sensitive, which does not mean that one becomes emotional, sentimental, which would be a greater foolishness.

Surely, without understanding oneself, without self-knowledge, there is no real basis for one's thought. Without self-knowledge, what you think may not be right.

To begin to understand oneself, one must begin with the most fundamental aspect of oneself, which is thought. In understanding oneself, in learning about oneself, is implied discipline. There must be a sense of discipline to learn about the very complex structure of one's own self. To have that discipline requires initiative. There must be on the part of each of us, the intention to know ourselves, to understand ourselves as we are and the world around us.

Life demands that one be self-aware for only then can one truly experience relationship in all its forms, with people, with nature and with the whole of life. 

Let's face it: most of us don't want to understand ourselves. Self-knowing is an arduous task. You have to be watchful and observant, not letting your prejudices and acquired knowledge and tendencies interfere with the learning. It requires that we give it our energy, as we give to going to office daily or doing some other similar stuff.

It is totally up to us if we want to address these things and go into them. It is generally understood that by reading a book on self-improvement, self-help or by taking an expert's advice, we can improve, change ourselves or become better. We think that by following someone else' ideas and opinions, we can solve our problems. However, without thinking through our own problems and being self-aware, none of our problems can be solved. Through the means and methods provided by others we can escape from problems but we can never understand them.

Understanding requires that each one of us face life as it is and look at our problems directly, and not through any specialist or book, no matter how great, old or widely acknowledged. Understanding requires that one be able to stand alone, without depending upon anybody or anything. As it has been said: self-help is the greatest help. Yet, it is ironical that even for self-help, we have to look to others. Self-help means helping yourself, which we can only do by being aware and by understanding the total process of our minds. For this, no one can help us but ourselves.