 |
Social Fabrics: Divorce in America Remains High
Author: Frank Schliff  | Posted: 20-03-2007 | Comments: 0 | Views: 19 | Rating: (50)  (?) 
The rate of divorce in America remains high, leaving many adult men and women alone, available and wondering how to maneuver on the playing field. After years of being in a relationship, putting yourself back in the singles market can be a daunting endeavor. Here, David A. Anderson, Ph.D., offers advice gleaned from his own research and that of other experts to help you get back into dating mode.
After 19 years of waking up next to the same person, 44-year-old Yolanda*, a marketing consultant, suddenly found herself greeting mornings alone. Recently divorced, she was overwhelmed by the mere thought of dating again. Yolanda's self-esteem was so damaged by her tumultuous breakup that she worried about her ability to start a new relationship, not to mention her rusty dating skills. And the pool of single men looked more like a droplet compared with the ocean available to her during her younger years.
Yolanda may have felt alone on the playing field, but she was far from it. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately nine in 10 people will marry, but about one half of first marriages end in divorce. Between 1970 and 1996, the number of women living alone doubled to 14.6 million, and the number nearly tripled for men, jumping from 3.5 million to 10.3 million.
With so many single adults out there, one might guess that there's also a lot of dating going on. Instead, it seems that the older we get, the less we date. In one study conducted at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, social psychologist Jerald G. Bachman, Ph.D., found that nearly 50 percent of 18-year-olds go out at least once a week, compared with only approximately 25 percent of 32-year-olds.
While it's true that some people simply choose not to date, others want to but don't know how to go about it or can't overcome their negative self-thoughts. So how can those who are struggling with these obstacles successfully and healthfully re-enter the dating arena? First, it's important to set appropriate personal standards. In particular, will you play hard to get or be an easy catch? I call the manifestation of these standards one's "social price." The more you have to offer in a relationship, the more you can expect in return, thus increasing your appropriate social price. Factors that help determine your social price include your ability to bring desirable traits such as inner strength, kindness, intelligence and affection to a relationship.
Working with Shigeyuyki Hamori, an economist at Kobe University in Japan, I researched methods for estimating the qualities and contributions of marriage prospects. We hypothesized that singles seeking relationships assess unseen qualities in others based on social price as it is reflected in actions, body language and verbal communication. We concluded that those exhibiting self-confident assertions of dating standards are perceived as holding relatively more promise as marriage partners. Conversely, those who appear insecure and desperate, call a love interest excessively or engage in sexual activity too soon send signals that they hold inferior unseen traits.
So just as we tend to assume that expensive cars are better than similar, cheaper ones, we may also conclude that those demonstrating high social prices have unobserved qualities superior to those with lower social prices. But be wary: Overselling also occurs. For instance, individuals with a substantial income but little else to offer may exaggerate their social price. And as with any type of price misrepresentation, true quality eventually surfaces. In the dating market, this can translate into a broken relationship.
At the core, inaccurate social pricing is a by-product of low self-esteem and other negative self-emotions. "Fear absolutely devastates some people," says clinical psychologist Michael S. Broder, Ph.D., a former radio-talk-show host and author of The Art of Living Single. "It can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved, and it can stem from a history of having been hurt or of traumatic relationships. People can be very proficient in other parts of their lives, but the fear of dating can make them stay alone or pine for the relationship they left."
Others rebound or get involved in another relationship too soon. Their desperation usually stems from sadness, guilt, anger or anxiety about being alone. "You get this feeling that you're in the worst possible situation in your life," Broder explains. "Then you may do what you later consider desperate: a one-night stand, calling the ex or ignoring intuitive warnings and jumping into a bad relationship you would never choose if you weren't feeling reckless."
Fortunately, it is possible to avoid these and other pitfalls when seeking out a new partner. If you're ready to get back in the saddle again, here are five key tips to help you on your way.
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/social-fabrics-divorce-in-america-remains-high-119301.html
About the Author:Professional research on organisational issues and matters that importat. While I promote Hoodia Gordonii Plus www.offshelf.net, I continue to monitor business and marketing metrics in terms of human factor involvement.
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
What are the 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up, Involve in the Making Up Process?
By: dhlim88 | 04/09/2008 | Dating
If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Do not look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Do not have the idea in your head that if only we were back..
How to Get Back to My Girlfriend After Break Up so That I Can Get My Girlfriend Back Faster
By: dhlim88 | 04/09/2008 | Dating
If you have already broken up with your Girlfriend but you still love her very much, it is very normal that you will want to get her back fast. Well, if you want to get your Girlfriend back fast, it is best to avoid making certain mistakes. You do not want these mistakes to slow down your progress. In fact, these are the common mistakes that many women make when trying to get their Girlfriend. What could be the mistakes behind, you are wondering? So, what are those common mistakes?
How love dies. Spot the symptoms now, and get your love back on
track.
By: Steve Ubah - Smartwomansguide.com | 09/09/2005 | Advice
Men do when they want to extinguish the flame that
sizzles their love. I will also give you some some ideas on how
you can reignite the fire in your relationship.
Here.
Dating Advice: You'll Attract the Right Man When You Believe You
Can
By: Terry Hernon Macdonald | 21/09/2005 | Women's Issues
You'll attract
cheaters. If you believe that men resist commitment, you'll
probably end up with a guy who's in no hurry to sit for an
engagement photo.
If you believe.
Signs That You Are Totally Into Him
By: James Monahan | 22/12/2005 | Self Help
Knowing when you are ill a.k.a when you are totally into a person may spell the difference between instant recovery and total chaos.
What will it be? A Russian, Filipina or a Romanian Bride?
By: Ovi Dogar | 22/03/2006 | Dating
For people who truly want to meet someone for a special relationship, sometimes a careful examination of traditions and expectations of each possible partner is necessary to give the relationship a chance, to bring trust in the relationship and avoid bein
4 Rules to transform an long distance love on the Internet into an normal relationship
By: Ovi Dogar | 05/05/2006 | Dating
You may be surprised how much a relationship can grow if you work at it. If you know and aply some simple rules, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed.
Quiz Your Relationship- Is It Happy And Healthy?
By: Cdmohatta | 16/05/2006 | Relationships
We are social animals. We need to relate to others for various reasons; we cannot exist alone happily. We need others to compare, share, give and take and feel together.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
How do i get my boyfriend to appreciate me for me ...
By: mattsgirl | 02-11-2007
how do i get my boyfriend to appreciate me for me and understand that i shouldn't have to change.
Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong??
By: AllisonG | 02-11-2007
Several media outlets have reported that Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong have been spotted at various hot-spots in New York City being more than just friendly. Do you believe it? Do you have any news about this?
Will she realize its over?
By: shepslove | 31-10-2007
how do I get her to realize that he doesn't love her and I am not going away
Yep, it has scam written all over it. the same as ...
By: sotpap2003 | 30-10-2007
yep, it has scam written all over it. the same as fling.com , all the profiles on there are fake, you will get a reply with her email address and then they tell you to meet them on this other website. they get a percentage of the membership money of the people they refer. but they as well have to pay a $40 fee to get there. thinking they are being slick, they get scammed too. the whole site is a fraud, i would like to know if all of this is legal, and who we can contact to report it. those profiles, (fake hot chicks) are even on myspace. i think i figured it out, they have a link to another website you can go to, and you have to pay more money, but you get money for referrals, check it out: http://www.hugetraffic.com/ this is where it gets you when you click on the webmasters link. hey let me know, what you guys think so we can put a stop to all this, this is getting all over the internet, myspace, craigslist, and many more have links to these sites, to scam people. there is an actual person who answers the phone, for their customer service, but its the same person that contacted me as a user when i first joined that site. weird huh, i recognized her voice, shes on drugs or something and sounds tired as hell. weird as hell.
SHY
By: shawna | 28-10-2007
i have a crush on this shy guy i am prety sure he likes me but i am to shy to make the first move HELP!
Do you think mental health counseling is the same as psychotherapy?
By: DrJames | 28-10-2007
Do you think mental health counseling is the same as psychotherapy? If so, how and why?
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Self Help Articles
The Ultimate 4 Steps to Achieve Anything You Want
By: Shawn Lim | 08/09/2008
No matter who you are and where you live today, I believe that there must be something that you want to achieve in your life. Maybe you want to be rich, maybe you want to be a millionaire, maybe you want to lose 10 pounds, maybe you want to have a pretty girlfriend, etc. If you truly think about it, there must be something that you want to achieve in your life.
The Power of Afformations
By: Helen Garvey | 06/09/2008
Afformations are positive questions we ask ourselves. I'm sure we've all heard of affirmations, afformations go that one step further to give us the life we desire.
The Art of Self-healing, Using Nlp
By: Reza Hossein Borr | 05/09/2008
Since you have the choice of controlling and managing different ingredients that cause health improvement, you become responsible for managing your body and your mind in a way that you boost your immune system and increase your health. So your health begins by understanding the way you think and if in any case, you fell ill, you need to know different strategies, techniques and principles for recovering your health.
Go for African American Speakers
By: Kassia Macy | 05/09/2008
The results of a survey on the most popular phobias concluded that most of the people are not that afraid of death or of accidents, but they are afraid of speaking in front an audience. Besides, the survey’s statistics say that African American speakers are the best in this area. Black speakers are not afraid to express their opinions in public. They are always fit and when they enter a room, everybody can feel their energy.
Pick the Right Colour Clothes for You
By: Chris Scarles | 05/09/2008
Colour has an impact on everyone. Being aware of this is an important consideration and can affect the people you are meeting. So make sure you pick the right coloured clothes for the occasion.
Socail Life
By: Ahoud Dawood Al-Siyabi | 05/09/2008
Who are you? Why are you in this world? What are your believes about life? Over these thousands and millions of years answering these questions has meant going within the infinity well of love, infinity well of joy and infinity well of peace, which are treasures that each human being occurs to have.........................
Beat Your Travel Alarm Clocks to the Draw!
By: Bradlley Mckoy | 04/09/2008
You have many of those infernal inventions man created to absolutely wreak havoc on your age-old biological patterns and decades-old psychological stability. And no, this is not the institution of marriage. These are travel alarm clocks - the types that scream like hellish banshees, explode like nuclear bombs, and buzz...
Anger Can Have Positive Results
By: David Earle | 04/09/2008
Use anger correctly and positive results can happen! This statement is very shocking, for it is in direct contradiction with experience. Most people have witnessed the sharp and cutting blade of anger as it slashes and cuts its victims and have experienced the unresolved anger that creates emotional distance be-tween themselves and their loved ones. It is natural to experience anger, but how can it achieve positive results?
|
|
Self Improvement 
