The Two Things You Must Do To Change Your Life

If you're like most people, you've vowed to eat better, exercise more, save more money, get a better job, improve a relationship, or some other worthwhile life change. Did it work for awhile, but then you found yourself right back where you started? If you answered yes, you're not a failure, nor is change hopeless. Realize that you're among the majority of people who have difficulty making life changes.

There are two things you need to know as you embark on a life change. The first is that you hold one or more fundamental beliefs that may impede your attempts at change. The second is that you get a payoff-some benefit-from your current behavior.

A fundamental belief is a belief you hold about yourself or life that is so fundamental-so ingrained in your being-that you make decisions subconsciously in support of the belief.

Let's take a common example-public speaking. Many people believe they have an inherent limitation preventing them from effectively speaking in other than very small groups. We form these beliefs very early in life, perhaps from an unhappy experience speaking before our third grade class, or listening to a parent or other respected adult tell about their inability to speak to groups. Once we absorb this belief-I can't speak in front of groups-it becomes a fundamental characteristic of self image. And we will reject opportunities in jobs, in school, in church, and in the community which require us to speak to whatever size group we believe to be our limitation.

More serious and far reaching fundamental beliefs affect many of us, among them:

- People won't like me if they really know me; therefore, I don't let others get close to me. Someone holding this belief will have difficulty sustaining an intimate relationship.

- I'm not as smart as other people; therefore, I have to work twice as hard and never make mistakes. Someone holding this belief may have difficulty balancing personal and work life, or allowing themselves to make normal, human mistakes.

What fundamental beliefs do you hold that may impede the change you're attempting? Listening carefully to your self talk about the change may steer you toward the answer. But be willing to ask and answer some tough questions because we hold on dearly to our fundamental beliefs-they are our sacred truths.

The second thing you should know about making changes to your life, especially those changes that you seem to be resisting, is that you are getting a payoff-some benefit-from your old ways. It will be difficult to lose weight if you use food to overcome anxious moments in your life. Without some alternative comforting process to replace eating you may have no way of overcoming anxiety.

To make a life change stick you'll need to identify the benefit you receive from your old way and provide another way to achieve it. And you must identify and modify any fundamental belief that is subconsciously causing you to resist the change