What is Psychological Maturity?

Two months ago I sent out an email asking for input on what you thought psychological maturity is, what helps it develop, and what can hinder its development. I got many excellent and insightful comments-kudos to all of you who took the time to share your thoughts with me and with all the friends of the therapy triangle.

I should note that not every writer was in favor of maturity. One man said that he didn't know much about maturity because he has followed "the Peter Pan philosophy" of never growing up. Though this works in the movies, not sure it is practical in real live. He did say that he might want to read the book when I get done!

More seriously, here's a sampling of some of the thoughts about what a mature person is like:
· "Self-aware but not self-absorbed"
· "Patient with others, yet able to be assertive"
· "Balanced between dependence and independence"
· "Sees herself and others as imperfect but of great worth"
· "Having a clear purpose in life"
· "Has respect, compassion, empathy, and honesty with self and others"
· "Knows his strengths and uses those to serve others"
· "When in conflict with another, deals directly with that person rather than complaining to a third person." (The essence of avoiding rigid triangles!)

And what is it that develops maturity in a person? Almost everyone said that "pain and suffering" was helpful if it was dealt with well. Overcoming obstacles in life is seen as a very important factor in developing maturity. One woman said that "having children" can promote maturity-which may be the same as "overcoming obstacles!" A number of people said that there is some correlation with age-people tend to get more mature as they get older--but "there are many elderly children and some wise young people."

What hinders the development of maturity? Here's an interesting thought: while pain and suffering, if dealt with well, promotes maturity, too much pain and suffering over too long a period of time stunts people's growth. People get stuck in unhealthy relationships and behavioral habits and they "cling blindly to outmoded traditions." One writer said that it is hard to develop and maintain maturity in "repressive, discriminatory, and violent societies." I would add "repressive, discriminatory and violent" families, businesses, and other organizations.

And who are some mature people? Not many writers chose a mature individual to describe. One chose Eckhart Tolle, the author of The New Earth and The Power of Now. Another nominated a co-worker who is a great communicator and "always stays true to herself."

The grand prize winner for the most insightful comments has been notified and the check is in the mail!

Thanks so much for all your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime with further thoughts about maturity. As I said in the first email in this series, we need more maturity in our families, our workplaces, and our politics. Stay tuned!

Dr. Rob Burkham
rob@therapytriangle.com