To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com/Stress My name is Jerald Young and I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.
After divorce, we often hear people tell us, "Time heals all wounds," or "Just give it some time," or "You'll feel better in the morning?" Used like this, time is seen as some type of healing source. But is it, really? Will the passage of time really "heal all our wounds?" Will it actually bring happiness to our life after divorce? Or is there more to it than that?
1. An Example of How Time Alone Does Not Heal the Pain of Divorce
Faye, my sister-in-law, was a teacher and school administrator. When I met her, she had already been divorced for five years. She had gotten the house, the kids, the car - and the humiliation of having her ex, also a school administrator in the same school system, leave her for one of Faye's teaching colleagues. For the next fifteen years, Faye only mentioned her ex and his wife in derogatory or cynical terms. She threw herself into her work. She tried to begin new relationships - all to no avail. She died an early death from cancer without ever getting past the personal hurt and public mortification the divorce caused.
2. Another Example of How Time Alone Does Not Heal the Pain of Divorce
The daughter of a divorced man, Robert, approached me to help her dad recover from his divorce. He and his wife argued over renting out the basement in their house. He opposed renting it. She rented it anyway to a single mother with an infant. One day the renter's ex came to the house and murdered his former wife and child. Robert could not take it and divorced her. He took the divorce hard. He isolated himself from his friends and family and started drinking heavily. How long he had been divorced? 13 years!
3. Time Alone Will Not Heal the Pain of Your Divorce
If time is supposed to heal all wounds, shouldn't 13 to 20 years surely be enough! They weren't. Time alone heals nothing. Andy Warhol, of all people, got it right when he observed, "They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself." It is not time per s
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