Expectations and Disappointment

Can you remember the last time you really looked forward to something and it did not turn out as perfect as you anticipated? Can you remember your disappointment?

Let's look at what happened here. You had particular expectations that were not fulfilled because your expectations were unrealistically high. You attached an emotional value to the outcome, and you focused on the emotional value rather than on the outcome.

The outcome was not equivalent to the emotional value that you attached to it, and as a result you attached a different emotional value to it, namely disappointment. You did not accept the outcome or actions for what they were worth, but discarded them on the basis of an emotional judgement.

Then there were other occasions where you felt that something was a chore and you did not really look forward to it but did it anyway, and it turned out to be quite enjoyable. Why would that be?

In this instance you were not emotional about the action or outcome. You focused on the action rather than on your emotions, and you were in a much better position to be in the present and enjoy the moment.

There are a few issues here that we need to understand. The first one is about the process of creation. We all create our own lives and our own destinies all the time. We have thoughts. Those thoughts are put into words and the words are put into actions. There are many things that we do without even being aware of this process of creation. For example, why did you get out of bed this morning? Did you wake up and think what shall I do today, and weigh up your options, and then choose to get dressed and get on with your daily routine? Of course not. But at some time in your life you made a decision about every aspect of your daily routine and that is why the thoughts became actions that you feel comfortable with and that are acceptable to you.

We go through this process all the time. Sometimes it is a conscious process, for example when we feel it is time for a holiday. We decide on the dates and the destiny, and we make the bookings. Then we build up anticipation and we thoroughly enjoy the holiday.

At other times the process is not conscious, for example when you have to visit a parent that you do not get on with. You feel it is your duty to go and visit, and you do not realise that even thinking about it is a conscious thought that you expand after discarding other options. Then you anticipate the visit in the light of previous visits, and you add your emotions to the process. The choice that you made then becomes an ordeal that you need to get on with. You do not even consider the option of experiencing a pleasant visit, because you take a whole suitcase of emotional baggage with you. Is it then such a surprise that the visit turns sour - again?

Another issue to consider is what I shall call a time lag. The kabala teaches us that we only see 1% of who we really are. The other 99% of who we really are is invisible and often we are not even conscious of that part of ourselves. The thoughts that we are conscious of have already come to the surface from our subconscious by the time we become aware of them. Then we start to put those thoughts into words, and eventually the words become actions. Our actions are simply visible expressions of our unconscious self, or our souls.

The most challenging parts of our unconscious are the parts that we learn from the most and that we grow from spiritually.

Once we become aware of this time lag, we are more attuned to our own spiritual growth, and we become far more forgiving towards ourselves when we know that a challenging experience lies ahead of us. Instead of getting so involved with the emotions that are elicited by the experience, we become aware of the emotions and we can question why they are there and learn from them.

Then we stop looking forward to something as if that incident owes us satisfaction, and we stop dreading future incidents as if those incidents are already bad simply because we are planning them. We start to understand that we create all of our own experiences, and we also choose what emotions we want to attach to those experiences. We then consciously create different experiences and choose different emotions and our lives are much more balanced.

That brings us to another issue, namely balance. The Universe is in perfect balance. When we choose strong emotions as a reaction to a choice we make, we in effect guarantee that we will experience the opposites of those emotions as well, because the balance will be there.

That is why something you are really excited about often turns sour, and something that you do not look forward to is often quite enjoyable.

How can we use this knowledge? By remembering that we choose our experiences and also our emotional reactions to those experiences. We first create our experiences in our minds, and then they materialize, and therefore we need to be aware of our thoughts and change them where necessary. And finally, whenever we choose a positive emotion, we must be prepared to experience the opposite emotion as well, because the Universe is in complete balance, and we cannot change that. We can only use this knowledge to our advantage.