Transforming Pain Into A Blessing

A long forgotten dream began speaking to me recently. Quietly at first, but with each passing day its whisper grew into a thunderous roar in my heart and soul. 

When I was a young girl I dreamed of living on a ranch with a horse companion, a creature that I would be inextricably bonded with on a soul level. I started drawing pictures of horses and this became one of my treasured past times. My first husband also had a love of horses, or at least horse racing and my dream became realized, at least partially. We invested with a team of others in purchasing a filly called 'Eufala Dolla' who we nick named 'Dolly'. 

Dolly had such a gentle spirit and I yearned to be able to spend time with her, learning about her care and needs. In my eyes she was beautiful and symbolized hope and freedom. My heart would skip in excitement on the days we would go visit her in the backstretch and stables. 

She had only run a few races when I learned she was entered into what's called a Claiming Race; a race in which a horse can be claimed for a set price by another before the race begins and the new owner walks away with the horse after the race. I was furious and terrified that I would lose Dolly and sure enough, we did. She was claimed and my heart was broken. 

Perhaps that was a defining moment in my young and impressionable life, a moment that the insidious belief of not being able to live your dreams began weaving its way through my blood stream, like parasites feeding, multiplying and growing stronger. 

In the following years I went on a number of trail rides and even an exciting trek in the red canyons in Sedona, Arizona. But the dream of someday having my own horse companion was banished from my thoughts-until just a few days ago-when the spirit of a horse began calling to me in such a way that I could not bury it any longer. 

It began slowly at first. I discovered a Canadian television show called 'Heartland' about a ranch in Alberta. Despite the drama it quickly became one of my favourite shows because it had horses! I don't even care if they put repeats on, I'll watch it. 

Since then horses have been appearing more and more in my awareness and a few weeks ago I was introduced to a remarkable artist in Italy, Marina Sassi who also has a passion for horses and I encourage you to visit her website and make sure to check out her horse-you will be amazed. 

Her passion helped to bring my forgotten dream to the forefront and it made me realize that I had long ago committed myself solely to my life purpose-at the exclusion of anything else and so I resolved to give myself permission to explore this part of me again. 

I began with buying a beautiful book on horses, a sketch pad and pencils. I put some music on and opened the book. I could feel a tightness in my chest and when I turned a page with a photo spread across both pages of a group of Andalucian's I could feel the intensity of their spirit and I felt so overwhelmed I couldn't breathe. I eventually picked up my sketch pad and began to draw. I felt frustration seep in and I kept erasing my lines. An old song called 'Dream Weaver' came on the radio and suddenly I was transported back in time to when I was a teenager and the pain and sadness that held me captive in those years returned with a vengeance. 

I couldn't draw. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see for the tears pouring from my eyes. I put everything down, laid back on the couch, and let the emotions wash through my body. My inner wisdom was telling me to let it flow without question or judgment. 

My inner wisdom was telling me this was a cathartic release which would help to heal my wounded heart for what I considered my lost dreams. 

It was so intense I didn't know if I could bear the pain. I wanted to call out to my beloved for help but I knew this was something I needed to process unhindered; without conversation to distort it with my ego's need for creating excuses, laying blame, or by investing in it further by playing a victim. 

Eventually the pain eased and a feeling of peace enveloped my heart, mind, body, and soul. It was soon time for dinner and my beloved and I settled in for the evening to watch a couple of dumb movies that had us laughing. We held hands and I drew him close to me. I felt loved; by myself, God, my partner, and the spirit of the horse who represents power, grace, beauty, nobility, strength, and freedom. 

However, the next morning I didn't feel refreshed, in fact, I awoke feeling groggy and somewhat depressed.  I reviewed my upbringing and all the possible avenues I could have explored and none of them led to fulfilling my dream of living on a ranch with horses. I wondered, has my life passed me by, forsaking my dreams? 

A voice within spoke to me saying, "Look for the blessing in your pain." 

I knew I had to make a choice. I could continue down the path of pain or I could transform it. In that moment I smiled-I am a master of transformation-I can do this-as can YOU with your pain. I thought to myself, hey I'm ONLY 47 years old! I have another forty plus years ahead of me to make my dreams come true! Forty plus years of living consciously! 

AND maybe my dream of living on a ranch with horses was MEANT to be realized in the years approaching rather than the years passed. It made sense! 

My heart soared free as I contemplated the extraordinary life transformational program I am about to create that with good planning holds the potential to create change for people and businesses around the world-within it holds the vision of hope and miracles for a New Earth. 

A few hours after seeing the blessing in my pain I was gifted with beautiful confirmation while attending a peace meditation gathering for local small businesses. Filled with deep omnipresent love after my cathartic healing a few members staring at me commented on my luminous presence and proceeded to enquire as to my line of work. Glory Be!

The time to step into power, presence, and mastery is NOW. The time to LIVE our vision, BE our vision, and make our dreams come true is NOW.

With the Spirit of the Horse by my side I wish you a glorious day and a life of magic and miracles.

Namaste,

Kiernan