Bringing More Realism to Sex Information

It is understandable that women's sexuality is misrepresented by the media. We all watch films and read books in part to be entertained. We don't necessarily want to see real-life because we know what that's like and it's often depressing. We want to be uplifted by a fantasy view of the world.

Unfortunately this huge gap between sexual fantasy and reality means that men and women today are often disappointed when real life does not match these fantasy portrayals of sex. Until we change our sexual expectations, sex will always be taboo because we end up feeling inadequate.

One sex expert admitted that sex information is appallingly bad today but, as he put it, he is not prime minister and so cannot change what people think. I suppose it's like global warming. We all feel that the problem is so huge that no one individual can do anything to change it.

I disagree. I don't see why organisations that advise the public, especially young people, should not start publishing the truth. Likewise, erotic literature, as a form of fiction, can reflect our fantasies but books that are intended to inform us should reflect the known facts about women's sexuality.

Very few sources today offer explanations or advice to couples on the basis of the facts that Shere Hite highlighted in the 1970's. So today young people are still not told that intercourse is rarely orgasmic for women or that a woman is likely to struggle with orgasm with a partner by any means.

Even when experts admit that most women do not orgasm from intercourse, they appear to be oblivious to the resulting relationship problem. Women may accept that sex doesn't lead to orgasm but a man wants his partner to be enthusiastic about sex so that he can enjoy sex fully.

Some sex experts tell me that my research is out of date. Apparently, the findings of experts in the 1970's have been superseded by more modern researchers. How can the facts about our sexuality, or our understanding of our sexuality, be completely overturned in the space of a few decades?

Other experts tell me that we now know from laboratory experiments that the clitoris has as many nerve endings as the penis and, that as an organ, the clitoris extends back into the body and so it is more comparable in size with the penis. Is this a competition or what?

I do not doubt these facts but ... SO WHAT? I question what they have to do with women's real-life experiences of sex. I know that a woman can become highly aroused but how often do women experience this level of arousal in practice? And what do experts believe causes this level of arousal?

We never admit that there are many reasons why people say things. They want to impress. They are covering up their own sense of sexual inadequacy. They say what they think other people want to hear. They need to make money and have to print what people will read or what sells.

Why do men apologise when they make sexual remarks in front of women? Why do women so rarely make sexual remarks? Why do men buy flowers on Valentine's Day? Why does experience improve men as lovers and yet young women are often considered sexier than experienced women?

I have wanted to know the answers to questions like these and I am surprised that no one else wonders. On the subject of sex no one seems to demand that one and one must add to two. It's as if the emotional taboo and sexual politics mean that all logic and rational argument are suspended.

Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com