Enjoying Sexual Pleasure

When it was suggested recently that schools in the UK should explain the role of the clitoris to very young children, mothers were up in arms. The information that caused offence was the fact that a girl might find it pleasurable later in her life to touch her clitoris.

There was no similar uproar over boys' sexual anatomy. Were the boys also told that their willies might give them pleasure later on? Of course, boys discover their sexuality 'naturally' and many people believe that girls should be left to 'naturally' not discover theirs.

One mother believed that her five-year-old should be left alone in childish innocence to spend her time 'pushing her dolly around in a stroller'. One has to wonder whether children as young as five would be very interested in this information even if they could comprehend what they were being told. But what about that dolly in the stroller?

To have a real baby, a man's orgasm (ejaculation in particular) is essential. We may accept men as sexual beings but not every woman thinks that an explicitly sexual phenomenon such as orgasm is either relevant or appropriate for women. The fact is that a woman's orgasm is not required for her to become pregnant and so only describes a relatively small part of female sexuality.

<i>"Intercourse is necessary for reproduction, and sexual pleasure and orgasm are involved with reproduction. But exactly how? Looking closer, one sees that only male orgasm during intercourse is necessary for reproduction." (p37 The Hite Reports 1993)</i>

Many women relate to their role as a mother (the reproductive aspects of female sexuality) but are less comfortable with the idea that women can enjoy sexual pleasure through their own sexual arousal and orgasm. Since the concept of female sexuality (in the orgasmic sense as opposed to just having babies) is alien to them, many women would never even necessarily choose to discover orgasm.

A fascinating collection of letters by two literary men, who correspond with each other between 1955 and 1962, provides some enlightenment. Rupert Hart-Davies explains his extra-marital affair, which came about after his wife lost interest in sex: <i>"She is one of the (I suspect) many women whose sex instincts are in fact wholly directed to the production of children, and when their quiver is full they want no more (as they say in the courts) intercourse."(p150 'The Lyttelton Hart-Davies Letters' 2001)</i>

<b>Women have to learn to appreciate eroticism</b>

Girls need information and encouragement if they are to experience what boys learn more spontaneously. If girls explore sexual activities other than intercourse, not only might they discover orgasm but also ways of enjoying sex with a partner with a lower risk of pregnancy (oral sex, for example).

Many people believe in sheltering young women from eroticism and yet an appreciation of eroticism is fundamental to women understanding their relationships with men. After all, sex is the glue that motivates a man to support a family.

<i>"The person who said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach was aiming too high" (p98 Why men don't listen 1999)</i>

Women may be able to simply 'put up with sex' in the short-term but over the longer-term, a man hopes for a woman who is positively engaged on enjoying the intimate time they spend together. A woman, who is familiar with orgasm, is more likely to relate to men's enjoyment of sex and, therefore, more likely to be willing to invest in sex.

If both partners are co-operating with each other, we can now support each other's life goals of both family and an active sex life.