How Do I Get My Wife to Initiate Sex? Here’s Your Answer…

Because I’m in the business of helping men create a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, I’ve had men from all over the world ask me this question, “How do I get my wife to initiate sex?”

Many of these men had lost all hope that their wife would ever take the lead in initiating sex. 

But, what they actually found out was that when they learned how to do certain things in a certain way, their wife began initiating sex FREQUENTLY – sometimes even to the point it became difficult for them to keep up with their wife’s desire for sex!

Here’s just one of the things I revealed to these men that made such a difference in their lives…

As a general rule, sex is more of an emotional encounter with women while it’s more of a physical incident with men.

Now, you already knew that but as it applies to you and your wife, really think about what that means…

It means that while YOU’RE WAITING for your wife to initiate sex, while you’re waiting for your wife to initiate a physical incident with you, SHE’S WAITING for you to initiate a pleasant, exciting, emotional encounter with HER!

Stated differently, she’s waiting on you to do something endearing towards her.  She’s waiting on you to say something endearing to her.  She’s waiting on you to behave in an endearing way towards her.

In short, YOUR wife is WAITING ON YOU to initiate what SHE wants so that she can initiate what YOU want.

Do you see that?  You and your wife are literally at an IMPASSE.  You’re in a deadlocked standoff waiting on each other to initiate.

Fortunately, there are some simple things you can begin to do immediately that will eliminate this stalemate rather quickly…they’re not very flashy or fancy…actually they’re rather menial…and they are INCREDIBLY POWERFUL ways of busting open the impasse between you and your wife:

• Begin to tell your wife that she’s beautiful on a daily basis.


• Begin to notice and acknowledge the things your wife does well.


• Begin to compliment your wife in front of other people.


• Begin to do helpful things around the house without being asked.


• Begin to be more loving and caring towards any children that are in the house.

These are as elementary as it gets…AND THEY WORK!

Here’s what else this means…

Bypassing the emotional encounter and going straight to the physical incident means that to a woman, getting into sex is essentially just like getting into another “project” or “task” – not unlike cleaning up the house.

Cleaning the house is something that has to be done.  It’s something that may be a part of her responsibility.  But if the emotional aspect is missing, SHE WON’T ENJOY IT!

In other words, things that are full of positive emotional content are pleasant to a woman.  Things that are void of emotional content are unpleasant to a woman.

And so, when you circumvent an emotional encounter with your wife and go straight for a physical incident, YOU WIFE WON’T ENJOY IT.

Women don’t initiate what they don’t enjoy!

Here’s what else this means…

Begin to resolve, absolve, and dissolve conflicts and arguments that stand between you and your wife by first apologizing for your hurtful actions and words towards her.  Sure, there may be plenty of things that she owes you an apology for but YOU be the one who takes the high-road and the lead.

Then, put EFFORT into establishing a loving connection emotionally with your wife.  And remember, women do NOT resolve conflict by having sex – that’s a man’s way and NOT a woman’s way. 

It may make perfect sense to a man to “fix things” by heading off to the bedroom.  But to a woman who’s angry or hurt, the thought of getting intimate and sexual with someone who has made her angry or hurt her feelings makes the negative emotions she’s experiencing vibrate even more negatively.

But, after you’ve taken the lead and established a positive emotional connection with your wife, THEN she’ll be ready to head off to the bedroom.

Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro of InitiateIntimacy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following website is included with it.