Is Orgasm With a Partner Really So Easy?

I approached my adult life in anticipation of a mutually enjoyable sex life. This optimism was fueled by my love of erotic literature, which I read avidly as a teenager. I enjoyed imagining myself in sexual fantasy scenarios and by the age of seventeen I discovered the pleasure of orgasm through masturbation.

When I came to experience sex for the first time at the age of eighteen with a man I cared for and respected (notice that it is only women who are supposed to need these factors in order to enjoy sex), I was disappointed because the experience left me cold - not even the hint of any arousal.

Apparently I was not the first woman to have this experience. In fact, after consulting a sex clinic and reading all the available information I could find over many years, it seemed that my experience was - QUITE NORMAL.

So why were other women not as outraged as I was? Did other women not want to highlight to younger generations that the impression that sex is spontaneously orgasmic for women - IS A LIE?

Very few women are willing to question the media portrayals of highly aroused and spontaneously orgasmic women because by so doing, they potentially expose their own sexual inadequacy. So it is assumed that most women must experience at least some of these implied pleasures in their sex life with a partner. I doubted this simply because I found so few women who were prepared to be open about sex.

Equally women who did claim to orgasm with a partner were inexplicit and full of bravado. They avoided questions by implying that anyone who doubted the mutual pleasure of sex must be sexually inadequate. In fact, this is a form of intimidation or bullying. It is a defensive behaviour.

We all know that there are women who are less than enthusiastic about sex. But no one is interested in their point of view. We assume that they are a minority who lack the normal sexual responses.

After taking fairly extreme steps, I was able to confirm that my partner and I were a perfectly normal couple. So when you press the point, experts do admit that a woman is likely to find orgasm considerably more elusive than a man does.

And yet, it is still difficult to find this fact publicised anywhere or anyone willing to agree that a man might stand to gain more directly from a sexual relationship. The fact is that people, who earn their living from the sex industry, only make money by providing the public with what we want to hear - fantasy more often than reality.

To me it was so evident when I met my first boyfriend that I couldn't understand why every woman didn't have the same reaction. Perhaps they were not as open with their men. How can you admire a man's easy erection and his orgasm without appreciating that women just don't have it as easy?

Even when we do orgasm it is just a pleasure - very nice and very enjoyable. But it does not provide the central meaning to life. Men just die with pleasure as soon as they get into your knickers.

Come on! It's just not the same for women. I wish it were...

Of those women that have talked about their sexual experiences (the few that I can believe because they talk about their experiences in a way that tallies with the facts that I know about my own body and sexual reactions) most have had much the same experience as me. These women are in a minority because, after ten years of attempting to talk to women about sex, the vast majority of women say nothing and I suspect have no particular ambition to understand their sexuality.

Of course there will be people who object to what I am saying. I understand that. It is not possible to question the status quo without causing discomfort.

Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com