Sex & Wines - the Art of Pairing Semen & Wine

Sex & Wines - The Art of pairing Semen & Wine

By Jenny Barbariba Email: jenny@barbariba.com
Web site: http://www.barbariba.com/mag/vis_Home.html

The Facts

Wine and semen have a natural affinity and even though this has been known for centuries by the Greek and Egyptian civilizations, it still remains to this day, a taboo barely spoken of in polite society. Today, not surprisingly, very few master the art of wine & semen pairing despite the fact that it has much in common with some wine & food pairing guidelines.

There are two schools of wine parings and the same guidelines of each hold true for the delightful pairing of wine and semen. One is the "Birds of a Feather" theory, suggesting the pairing of light-bodied wines with lighter foods and heavy-bodied wines with heavier, more flavorful foods. A wine's body being how powerful and weighty it feels in your mouth.

On the other hand, other tasting aficionados suggest that opposites attract, that is, sweet wine, for example, goes with sour or acidic food.

An effective wine & semen pairing technique based on similar guidelines does exist and here is how it works.

Step One: You need to describe, as accurately as possible, the taste of your partner's semen the same way you would describe the flavors of a particular meal. Here's the best way to do that.

Semen tasting Technique
Have your lover ejaculate entirely in your mouth and roll it over your tongue for several seconds before swallowing. Exhale through your nose as you swallow. Your taste buds and sense of smell will work together.

Try swishing the Semen around in your mouth and then swallow while you exhale through your nose. Some prefer to "chew" the semen before swallowing. Try each technique and see what works best for you.

Now write down your impressions: Does it remind you of the taste of some fruit or anything familiar? Is it a little on the sweet side or a little salty? Is it acidy? Take note of its texture. Is it thin or thick? And finally, regarding the quantity, do you get a mouthful of semen or just a timid drop? Don't hesitate to take as many notes as you can; the more accurate you are, the better the ultimate pairing you'll have.

The Art of Wine & Semen Pairing
On to Step Two: With your observations in hand, follow these simple rules for the best semen and wine pairing:

For abundant and sticky semen with a butter or Brie cheese like taste, the best choice would be some light-bodied wines such as the following:
A Red Zinfandel: This wonderful, hearty, fruit-packed and all American wine is perfect for romance and a sticky semen with a Brie like taste will bring with it a unique and exciting Bouquet. My suggestion here: The Frog's Leap 2005 Zinfandel, Napa Valley. It's the best of the best Red Zin for making love!
A Beaujolais: Beaujolais is a very light red wine with a deliciously intense aroma and a fruity floral bouquet that would subtly underline the semen's smooth side. My choice here: The 2005 Potel Aviron Cote de Brouilly will get your mouth ready for other oral delights.

For semen with a sweet almond taste or with fruity flavors, go with fruity white wines like these:
A Chardonnay: I found out that some Chardonnays are among the best to enhance all the delicate semen almond favors. The flavors go so well together that now I even prefer my Chardonnay with a little drop of semen in it; it gives it an incredible charisma! I think we could describe this pairing as a wonderful synergy. My suggestion here: The 2003 Schramsberg Blanc de Blancs will give you 3 orgasms in a row for free!
A Champagne: What's more magic than sex & champagne in this case a medium-dry champagne would be a good match for sweet and fruity tasting semen. Along with the taste, champagne hasthe added visual effect. The semen interacting with the Bubbles is simply magic and fascinating! My coup de coeur here: The Moët&Chandon Nectar Imperial could definitely bring you to paradise!

For rich, savory, salty semen or acidy semen, which is quite common, you need some crisp, tart wines such as the following:
A Sauvignon Blanc: This sexy and versatile white wine will match the acidity of you partner's semen and at the same time won't hide other delicate flavors. The best here: The 2006 Duckhorn Napa. You'll thank me for this one.
A Chianti: Chianti's natural acidity will decrease your perception of high acidity in the semen and for that reason this magnificent Italian red wine could be a good choice. My suggestion: The wonderful and exceptional 2004 Rufina Castello di Nipozzano.
A Sauterne: This is the exception to the rule, but a voluptuous, sweet and creamy Sauterne will perfectly balance a rich savory and salty semen. My heart's desire here: The 2003 Château du Haut-Pick. I've had so many memorable experiences with it.

Finally, for semen with a strong and bitter taste always consider heavy-bodied Wines like these:
A Cabernet Sauvignon: A strong wine for a strong semen is always a good thing to consider and an imposing, but balanced Cabernet Sauvignon like the 2005 Big Ass Cab Winery will never let you down. It's wonderful.
A Port: A port could remarkably hide all none pleasant and strong semen taste, but at the same time would enhance its slippery side. My suggestion: The Barros vintage 1991. It's not that expensive and if you try it with a mouthful of semen the combination will leave you simply ecstatic! By the way, Port is also a very appropriate choice when indulging in threesomes, gangbangs or ATM (Ass To Mouth) play.
Vodka: Even if it's not a wine, vodka could be an interesting choice as well to go with strong tasting semen. Here's a great, little known recipe, handed down through the ages: A Semen Shooter; It's divine with nearly all semen types, if you like Vodka. The recipe: 2oz of Vodka and 1oz of Tequila with a little drop of Semen on it. Salute!
If you're not sure which category your lover's semen falls into, you can never go wrong with a port; it's the most sense-stimulating wine of all for making love.

You must also know that you can alter the taste of your lover's semen a great deal by controlling what he is eating for 12 hours or so before you have sex with him. For better tasting semen, just remember these simple rules:
Avoid giving him any strong tasting or spicy foods.
Keep alcohol down to a minimum.
Have him stay away from caffeinated beverages.
Give him a lot of fruits, preferably pineapple and strawberry.
And finally, have him drink as much water as possible.
Improve your tasting skills
Of course, as with wine tasting, developing the skill of semen tasting takes practice. The more you do it the better you will become with the entire sensory process. You'll discover, with time, your own pairing criteria that best suites your preferences.

Ultimately there is no perfect system for pairing wine & semen, but the fact remains that this exercise is as interesting and challenging as finding the right wine for a particular meal, except here you won't typically ask your daddy for advice.

Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong when it comes to personal flavor preferences. Everyone's palate is different and evolves continually throughout life. The idea is to have fun and to explore new possibilities because after all, sex is the ultimate adult playground so what could be more wonderful and psychologically healthy than regarding it that way? Indulge!

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