Sexual Health: What's Your Position on Positions?

The real estate mantra ‘location, location, location’ could equally well describe the  preoccupation many people have about getting it right in bed; so much so that perfectionism has reduced sex to little more than position, position, position.  This kind of pressure is supposedly all about being creative between the sheets ... or should I say on the kitchen table, perhaps with you served up as the whores d’vour?

Starting with ancient sex manuals like the Kama Sutra, much has been written about spicing up your sex life.  But how many of us get turned on by flipping through a manual while trying to crack a hand-stand in pursuit of a new, more imaginative position? 

It stands to reason that the longer you and your partner have been together the more you’re likely to get into the same old habits. But, if the routine satisfies both of you, then what’s the issue with sticking to positions like the missionary, spooning or styles inspired by Fido? 

The missionary got both its name and a bad rep because the idea of male-on-top suited the establishment’s ideas on what was deemed ‘decent’ in the bedroom.  Anyone who has tried it will know that the missionary is one of the hardest positions from which to satisfy a woman and it was only relevant during times when delighting in coitus was considered wicked for women. 

But if the missionary blows your pubic hair back, chuck out the manuals that suggest otherwise and get on with whatever you consider constitutes a good time.

The idea of inventive sex was initiated to break the missionary mould but today the obsession with ‘getting it right’ has made men and women so guarded and self-conscious that it has sucked the creative juices right out of the reality of being satisfactorily laid.  

It’s common knowledge that creativity and perfectionism cannot co-exist, so if you are fixated about which body part may or may not be shaved and whether you are revealing your cellulite or that wobbly bum, then no matter what position you take, sex will just end up being a mission.

The funny thing about vaginas and penises is that both are quite simple tools to operate; neither needs a complicated instruction manual.  The problem is not the tools so much as the workman and, as each of us enjoys different things, the only direction required is to guide your partner to the hotspots that turn you on. 

Humans have been enjoying sex for thousands of years without having to rely upon manuals, toys and faux nurse’s outfits.   So whether you’re getting your rocks off camping in a cave, soaking in a Jacuzzi or having sex on the beach, the only position important to take is to make sure you’re having fun.

Fun and creativity are products of spontaneity and no one can be spontaneous when we plan a strategy as to where, when, how and for how long we’re going to let our hair down.  Structure destroys imagination and when your toes are pinning back your ears, little could be more off-putting than having to turn to page 64 to find out where his arms and legs belong. 

Sex manuals may be good to spark off some new ideas but, once you’re all fired up, put the book down and let your creative urges rise.  It doesn’t really matter what position you land up in as long as you both enjoy getting there.

Do take some precautions though.  I knew a couple who had a preference for backseat bonking at insane hours of the morning.  On one occasion they chose a quiet golf-course parking lot thinking that the only balls in play would be swung by something flimsier than a five-iron.   However, upon reaching the crescendo they were unexpectedly applauded by a group of early-rising caddies who were overjoyed by such an extraordinary hole-in-one.

Laughter releases tension and can also ease awkward moments so, if you want him pitching tents in his Boxers, being naturally playful is more likely to get the big top up than assuming a position.  

Performance anxiety affects both men and women making it difficult for either to rise to the occasion.  Trying too hard will put the kibosh on creativity and this never-ending quest to get sex right is, in fact, the only way to get it really wrong. 

So, for all you’ve ever wanted to know about your position on positions, just ask your fertile imagination and let the hay roll from there on.