Ten Tips for Better Sex and Deeper Intimacy

Tantra is an ancient Indian tradition that recognizes sexual energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment. Sexual energy does not necessarily mean sexual activity but rather, the life force that exists in everything. Indeed, Tantric practices can enrich your relationship and all aspects of your life. Consciously exploring pleasure, sexuality and intimacy is an easy way to start. Doing so will enable you to find more satisfaction and a deeper sense of connection. Here are ten simple ways to begin your exploration.

Cultivate a sense of adventure
The Tantric approach to living is fundamentally an experimental one. If you apply this sense of curiosity to all your experiences, they will provide you with opportunities to learn about yourself and your partner. If you can treat your relationship and everything you experience as a shared adventure, you will create a deep and enduring bond.

Gaze into each others’ eyes
Eye gazing has its origins in the classical Tantric practice of Tratak, which means "to gaze without blinking." In its most basic form, eye gazing requires you to stand facing your partner in a comfortable and open pose, while gazing softly into your partner’s eyes. When people are first falling in love, this comes very naturally. Some long-term couples may find it quite difficult at first, but it's a wonderful way to recreate the experience and physiological state of falling in love.

Treat each other with reverence
See your partner as a manifestation of the divine (however you define it) and bring a sense of worship to your lovemaking. If you can cultivate a feeling of reverence for your partner, you can make every aspect of your relationship, including hot sex, a form of spiritual practice.

Pay attention
We like to define love as "profound interest." Life can be stressful, and demands on our time often leave us disconnected from our partners. You can choose to be interested and attentive. It only takes a little effort, but the more genuinely interested you are in your partner, the more connected you will be.

Make a date
The value of scheduling dates and times to be intimate is often overlooked. People tend to wait for the perfect mood to strike or the right moment to arrive because they fear that planning will cheapen the experience and make it artificial. Remember that anticipation can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Don't just take advantage of those times when the mood hits you. Make dates for brief encounters and plan romantic getaways together.

Get in synch
Take the time to synchronize your breathing. If you do this in conjunction with eye gazing, you can use both visual and auditory cues to determine when you are in synch. If you are not looking at each other, you can feel the rise and fall of your partner's chest. Bringing awareness to the breath is frequently the first step in learning how to meditate. Consciously synchronizing with your partner is a way to harmonize and to create a calming, peaceful intimacy.

Give and receive massage
One way to learn more about your partner and yourself is by exchanging massages. Use soft lights, candles, incense and soothing music to set the mood. Take your time and explore your partner's body. This will help you learn more about your partner's responsiveness and help you develop the ability to touch consciously. We recommend trading sessions -- giving one day and receiving the next.

Gently suck on your partner's upper lip
In Tantric anatomy, it is believed that a psychic nerve runs from a woman's upper lip to her genitals and that sucking it can be very arousing. Men have often reported feeling the same spark of sensation in response to this form of kissing.

Stimulate the sacral nerves
Stimulate the sacrum (the triangular bony structure in the small of the back) using pressure, percussion, or vibration -- pressing your hand firmly, moving it back and forth in short rapid motions, or tapping gently with the edges of your hands. The sacral nerves connect to the genitals, so this kind of stimulation can be intensely arousing.

Pulse your pubococcygeal (Kegel) muscles during lovemaking
These are the muscles that comprise the pelvic floor. You can locate them by interrupting the flow of urine. Exercising these muscles is a yogic practice, and there are many benefits in keeping them toned. If you pulse your PC muscles back and forth during intercourse, it will drive you both wild. This is an ancient courtesan's technique, sometimes called the secret language, but both men and women can do it.

Try these simple techniques and cultivate this open, experimental, and reverent attitude. Whether you've just started dating or have been together for years, you're likely to discover new and wonderful things about yourself and your partner. If you're single, going into your next relationship with this information in mind will help you get off to a good start. These tips hardly do justice to the richness and complexity of the Tantric tradition, but if this is all you ever learn about it, you're likely to find that you've got some powerful tools for transforming yourself and your relationship.

Copyright © 2006 Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson

Authors
Mark Michaels (Swami Umeshanand Saraswati) and Patricia Johnson (Devi Veenanand) are a devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya Yoga together since 1999. Their popular workshops have been featured in several publications, including the Village Voice, NOW magazine, and Breathe magazine.

The two seek to combine a traditional, lineage-based approach with the best contemporary, Neo-Tantric methods. Their approach includes breath work, meditation, chanting, and puja (a type of Hindu devotional ritual), and their "initiated Kriya yoga" practices aim to lay a spiritual foundation for bringing the heightened awareness and pleasure of sex into everyday life.

The authors are senior students of Dr. John Mumford (Swami Anandakapila Saraswati) and have been named lineage holders of the OM-Kara Kriya® system for the Americas and Europe. Sunyata, coauthor of The Jewel in the Lotus, named Michaels his lineage holder in 2001. Michaels and Johnson have studied Bhakti Yoga with Bhagavan Das and Tantra with Dr. Rudy Ballentine, and they have been featured in Dr. Judy Kuriansky's The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex.

Michaels is a graduate of New York University School of Law, is a member of the Bar in New York State, and holds master's degrees in American Studies from NYU and Yale. A playwright and translator, he translated and adapted Goldoni's The Mistress of the Inn for New York's Roundabout Theatre Company and cowrote The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Debate, which premiered at New York's Primary Stages. Patricia Johnson is a professional operatic soprano who tours extensively throughout the United States, Europe, and South America and has performed with the New York City Opera, the Houston Grand Opera, and the Berlin Komsiche Oper.

They make their home near New York City.