The sexual politics of female sexual desire

All the modern day hype about female sexuality was in part sparked off by the work of Alfred Kinsey. Kinsey’s report ‘Sexual behaviour in the human female’ (published 1953) documented for the first time women’s accounts of how they also enjoyed sexual desire.

The world was not so different in the 1950’s. Technology may appear to have changed the world beyond recognition but attitudes are slower to change. Human nature does not change at all.

So if there are women today who can insist on how easy orgasm is with a partner, despite all the experiences of other women to the contrary and a few inconvenient facts, then why not in the 1950’s? After all, Kinsey’s researh only documented what women told him.

Even today, women who claim easy orgasm with a partner can rarely explain how they reach orgasm. Orgasms ‘just happen’. Very few women have an appreciation of the eroticism that leads to sexual arousal, which explains why so few women masturbate.

Sure there are women who enjoy adventurous sex play with a lover. I know because I’m one of them. Sure there are women who enjoy their own sexual arousal and orgasm through masturbation. But this is very different to saying that all women are as sexual as all men.

It’s quite clear to me that men have a much greater interest in eroticism than I do. They also masturbate (on average) more than I do and they are more likely to pay for sex than I am.

It is ludicrous that we are not able to talk about the ‘male sex drive’. ‘Modern’ women are assumed to have an equal ‘female sex drive’. How do we explain that prostitution still thrives as much as it ever did? Children have to work it out for themselves.

Why do women have to be more like men to be valid?

In order to prove ‘equality’, some feminists insist that women can enjoy their own sexuality (through pregnancy, child-bearing and breast feeding) as well as a definition of sexuality that was originally based on the male experience.

So all women have been put into the awkward position of having their sexuality assumed for them. Any woman who cannot fit within the definition of ‘normal’ is deemed to be sexually inadequate. Instead of sex becoming more open and honest it just got a whole lot more embarrassing. Now women are not able to discuss their sexual experiences at all even if they wanted to.

Women’s difficulties with sexual desire are hushed up. Thus any possible chance of understanding women’s range of experiences from ‘easy orgasm during sex’ to ‘no orgasm ever’ can never be explored. Most sources never even admit the facts.

“Between 10 and 15 percent of women never reach an orgasm at all, even during masturbation. Another 10 to 15 percent achieve orgasm only through masturbation. Only approximately 30 percent of women reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Perhaps as many women have never reached orgasm during intercourse. Inability to have orgasm during intercourse is the second most common sexual complaint of women – behind lack of sexual desire.” (p194 Secrets of Better Sex 1997)

Today women have a much higher level of general education and higher confidence. They are less dependent on men both financially and emotionally. They can question their sexual experiences much more confidently. There is less taboo about sex.

My discussion of sex is for those women who are confident of their sexuality and their ability to evaluate their own experiences. If you have not found any answers elsewhere you may find my more logical presentation helpful. If not, then no harm done.

Women should feel free to share their experiences whatever they are. At the end of the day much of what is said about sex is purely opinion. If we are to find a common basis for discussion, we have to first find other people who share our own opinions.