Three Breath Practices for Lovers

Becoming aware of your breath is a powerful way to improve your sex life. Conscious breathing allows you to heighten pleasure, soothe tension and explore new natural highs. Breathing deeply floods your bloodstream with oxygen, nourishing every cell of your body and fueling your sexual fire.

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There is much to read and learn about conscious breathing and its effects- but the best way to learn is to simply practice bringing more awareness to your breath while receiving erotic touch. Notice what you are feeling and allow the experience to motivate further practice.

Here are three simple breath practices for lovers to play with together. These inquiries can be shared during an erotic massage, lovemaking, or any other time that you and your lover are sharing touch together.

The "inquiry" is one of my favorite models of body-based learning. I first encountered the practice of inquiries in yoga, when my teacher suggested a particular posture or breath pattern and would ask us to "Simply Notice" what we were feeling. Inquiries allow us to explore for a few minutes without any expectations, relieving a lot of the pressure that sometimes accompanies learning new sexual skills.

An "inquiry" can be any length of time; a few minutes during a lovemaking session or a few hours of dedicated practice and exploration of a particular skill or technique. Simply ask yourself and/or your partner "I wonder what would happen if. . . " and then pay attention to what you experience.

Easy Breathing

One easy way to approach the breath is to become aware of the economy of your breath. Let's go for the most breath with the least effort. A relaxed, deep breath allows the body to receive the most oxygen from the inhale, a full release with each exhale, and minimal effort to complete each breath cycle.

Your first step to using breath to ignite your sexuality is simply notice your breath as you become aroused. Feel the inhale and exhale, and notice the effort of each breath. Now, go for more air with less effort. Allow your throat to open and effortlessly pull in the air. Inhale until you feel your lungs fully expand. Then just let it go. The exhale is where we tend to waste the most effort and create excess tension. You may notice that you either push the air out with force or hold it back as you exhale slowly. On the exhale, try and let it go, simply release the breath. As you breath more deeply, you will notice that your belly and pelvis expand on the inhale. This is the natural response of your body to allow your lungs to fully expand. Let your belly and pelvic floor relax and expand naturally on each inhale.

Inquiry 1: Match your breath to your partner's breath

There are many ways to "breathe together" while sharing touch. The most simple of these is matching your breath to your partner's. Let your inhales and exhales rise and fall together, at about the same pace. Take turns leading and following one another's breath. You can let it be natural and easy, or make a playful game out of it by playing with different patterns (such as two quick inhales and one longer exhale.) This is a nice way to begin your massage together. Let the pace of your hands be guided by the pace of your breath.

Inquiry 2: Match the breath to the stroke

This practice works particularly well while touching the genitals, but it can be paired with just about any massage stroke. The goal of this practice is to match the sensation of your massage stroke to the breath of the recipient.

Try this: move your hand UP the genitals with the INHALE, and then DOWNWARDS on the EXHALE. Givers: make it your game to match the stroke to the breath as precisely as you can. Recipients: enjoy the sensations of the massage stroke while focusing on your breath pattern.

Here, the pleasure of your massage becomes a powerful motivator to keep breathing rhythmically. Givers, you can tease out this motivation by making a deal with your recipient: If the conscious breathing stops, so does the massage!

As you begin playing with matching your touch to the breath, you will notice it becoming one of your massage skills. You can fluidly and gracefully adjust touch to match breath and vice versa until the sensation of breathing and the experience of your touch become intertwined and mutually supportive.

Inquiry 3: Propel your sensation with Pelvic Clenches

When we are breathing consciously and building sexual energy, our breath often becomes quite musical, a symphony of inhales and exhales, moans and sighs, excitement and relief. As our breathing skills develop with practice, we can use the breath to compose our erotic journey, creating peaks and climaxes as well as periods of relaxation and savoring.

Pelvic clenches exercise and stimulate the muscles of the pelvic floor. These are the same muscles that contract during orgasm and ejaculation. The nerves that create sensation in the genitals and anus are directly related to the pelvic musculature, so by practicing clenches you can enjoy more orgasmic sensation and begin taking more control of your sexual responses. Combine pelvic clenches with breathing and you will experience whole new levels of pleasure.

Practicing pelvic clenches while you are being sexually stimulated and breathing consciously will open a new arena for you to explore your sexual responses. The easiest way to begin exploring the sensations of pelvic clenches is during a period of high excitement. Play with your partner or yourself to generate lots of pleasure in your body. Breath deeply and fully to help build sensation. When you feel ready, take three deep breaths.

Then, inhale big and full and hold your breath while you clench your pelvic muscles. Begin and focus your clench in your anal sphincters and then clench the rest of the pelvic floor. After a few moments, exhale and relax completely and enjoy the sensations that arise. Then continue right away with your lovemaking and breathing. Let the sensations of the pelvic clenches propel you into the next round of your pleasure.

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