Transferring Orgasm Techniques to Sex

Women's orgasm techniques learned from masturbation (including both clitoral stimulation and use of sexual fantasies) are not always easy to apply to sex with a partner. My own experience was that the contrast between sex with a partner and masturbation alone was so extreme that it never even occurred to me to try to combine the two experiences.

Men dislike wearing condoms because they reduce the stimulation of the penis. Imagine then the position of a woman during intercourse! Sexual intercourse without any additional clitoral stimulation is a bit like wearing a rubber boot as a condom!

"Most women conclude at some point in their lives that the female body is badly designed." (p19 Bluffer's Guide to Women 1998)

Men's sexual arousal is so much more obvious and easier to achieve: you touch them just about anywhere, wear something provocative or nothing at all. In the absence of my own sexual arousal, it was much easier to accept my partner's love-making and facilitate his orgasm. Women's sexual arousal and orgasm is not automatic but neither is it obvious (even to a woman) how women's sexual arousal with a partner works. I did not know where to start to suggest what my partner might try to arouse me.

Female masturbation may help but is no guarantee

The fact was that I had never considered masturbation to be a legitimate part of sex. Masturbation was purely a mechanism for assisting me in getting to sleep and for enjoying the pleasures of orgasm. Even though I knew that sexual fantasies worked when I was alone, it was as if it would be an insult to my partner to start reading a sexy story when his body was next to mine.

"Women also often find it easier to fantasise when self-pleasuring than in sex with a partner. The immediacy of someone else's needs actually inhibits the expression and satisfaction of their own. Some also say they have to imagine that the person making love to them is not the person they know so well." (p65 Woman's Experience of Sex 1983)

Women, who say they orgasm from sexual intercourse but do not masturbate, do not necessarily have it all figured out; it's just that they have no comparison. There is even sometimes an implication that female masturbation may prevent a woman from having an orgasm with a partner. This is, of course, based purely on superstition rather than logic as Shere Hite explains.

"Perhaps if you masturbate, you can get a fixation on your clitoris and are thus unable to come during intercourse."

"The fact that I've been masturbating since I was ten has made it more difficult for me to orgasm vaginally."

These two quotes came from women who replied to Shere Hite's survey. She replies: "The truth, however, is just the opposite: masturbation increases your ability to orgasm in general, and also your ability to orgasm during intercourse. Why not? It's the same stimulation. ... Of course, masturbation to orgasm does not automatically enable you to orgasm during intercourse. There is no mystical connection between the two - just the practical experience with orgasm - how it feels and how to get it." (p51 The Hite Reports - 1993)

Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com

WaysWomenOrgasm.org aims to inform and reassure women of all ages: both the site content and pictures are completely clean. The discussion is based on honesty not sexual ego and covers: sex drive, the role of fantasy and why orgasm from masturbation may always be different to orgasm from penetration.