What To Do When You Think He Might Be Bisexual

Your boyfriend tends to remark on what the men in the bar are wearing as often as he does the girls. When he's had a little to drink he flirts a little with the men at the table. Although he says that he is hetero, you are beginning to wonder if maybe he would bat for both teams, if given the chance.

Bisexuality is fast becoming less though of as a third orientation. Some bisexuals contend that we are all bisexual to a degree. Others submit that it is a natural part of curiosity and most people have thoughts or feelings about the same sex as well as the opposite sex, but do not consider themselves as homosexual. Still others shout from the roof tops that it is the best of both worlds. So if he is attracted to both men and women, does that automatically make him a bisexual?

Not necessarily. The best definition I've heard of sexual orientation is based not on who you have slept with, but who you'd like to sleep with. Take it for what it's worth. It's also a myth that all bisexuals are just going through a phase in determining which sexuality they prefer to identify with. This is dangerous thinking because it implies that homosexuality is a choice, which the moral majority would have you believe. We know that it is not.

You need also remember that sexuality is like a spiral, not a line. It can change and shift over time. Just because a person is attracted to both sexes doe not mean that they can not have a magnanimous relationship with one person. They have chosen you as a person, not as a sexual being. Bisexuals are often not attracted equally to both sexes, either, although nothing is set in stone-some are.

So what are you going to do about it? Remember that he may not see it himself, or he may be denying it, or confused, or afraid you won't understand. You need to figure out how you feel about the possibility before you confront him or jump to conclusions that could hurt your relationship. If you have a problem with it, maybe you should look at why. Are you insecure or afraid he will "turn gay" and leave you if it comes out in the open? Honesty in a relationship is the most important aspect of intimacy, and not sex.

If you are with a great guy and have great sex and you love each other, who cares who he is attracted to? He may never act on it, or you may discuss the possibility of him acting on his feelings if it's out in the open. If it's true he will probably be relieved.

But what if you're wrong? If you think he may be bisexual but aren't sure, you had better make reasonably sure before you ask him about it. If the two of you have been together for awhile, this will probably be easier, but if the relationship is new you might want to check with old girlfriends or mutual friends before you shoot off your mouth. If you are just being easily jealous and insecure because of your own issues, get a grip.