Why Sex is Called 'making Love'

The heterosexual act of vaginal intercourse is designed foremost as an expression of love between a man and a woman.

After all, if sex was purely about two people reaching orgasm, then we would more naturally engage in activities that involve more direct genital stimulation. Intercourse is a natural progression from kissing to a man capitalising on his sexual arousal to 'make love' to a woman.

When a woman is amenable to accepting a man's sexual initiative, intercourse allows her body to provide him with the sexual release of orgasm. Penetration involves the maximum turn-on for a man and signifies a high level of trust and intimacy between two people.

Intercourse represents the most personal acceptance that a woman can ever offer a man that can be highly emotionally rewarding for him (especially if her sexual acceptance is awarded sparingly). For the woman, intercourse is an act whereby she offers her body for a man to enjoy sexually as a reward for his commitment to her.

Many women see sex as a loving and sensual act with a man they love. The vast majority of women are not interested in the eroticism and physical sex play (focused on genital stimulation) that would lead to their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

The sexual revolution implied that women's sexuality could become more like men's simply as a result of a change in attitudes. In fact, many women settled for faking orgasm to keep men happy rather than being motivated to reach orgasm with a partner.

Female sexuality cannot change just to fit the fashion

Despite the supposed liberalisation in attitudes, men today still feel obliged to apologise to women for sexual innuendo. They appear to assume that a woman will always be offended by sexual references, which of course they often are.

But if women are so shocked by eroticism how do they achieve the sexual arousal that leads to orgasm? The answer is that they don't. Most would be horrified at the suggestion that they could experience sexual arousal by appreciating aspects of eroticism. Most women are happy assuming that female orgasm involves loving feelings rather than sexual feelings.

A woman who masturbates may be more sympathetic towards men's use of pornography because she accepts that she needs to use erotic stories to achieve the sexual arousal required for female orgasm. The truth is that no woman is naturally attracted to nakedness, the sexual attributes of a partner and physical sex play as men typically are.

Any woman who is unable to empathise with men's enjoyment of these phenomena will have difficulty understanding the attraction of eroticism. Women who masturbate learn to enjoy aspects of eroticism through sexual scenarios or stories.

But it is one thing to use sexual fantasies during masturbation or during sex with a partner, for that matter. It requires a much higher level of trust and to discuss ways of sharing our sexual fantasies with a partner during physical sex play.

Women may not be happy about a lack of orgasm during sex but they can put up with it. If a man ever experiences impotence, he can feel that life is no longer worth living. We don't have the same biological drive to reach orgasm with a partner.

This means that women don't have the same motivation to explore all the options with a partner. Since intercourse has been endorsed by society as 'acceptable and proper' heterosexual behaviour, it is the default and requires minimal discussion.