“Air Bed” Mattresses: Good Idea or Just A Lot of Hot Air?

Weren’t the '80s great? That decade was positively filled with so many new innovations. The MTV network, VCRs, the Nintendo game system, cassette tapes, and the "T"-top Trans Am [just to name a few] all exploded into a blossoming mainstream popular culture like atomic bombs. Ronald Reagan was king, and the economy was booming. Since then, however, the tables have turned-- and I'm not talking "turntables." MTV no longer plays music, VCRs have been replaced with DVDs and Blue Ray, Mario and Luigi are old, and the iPod rules the day. Another 80s invention that's now a thing of the past [or should be considered one] is the "air bed" mattress.

Now, I'll have to admit that the air mattress was a cool idea... but, hey: everything in the '80s was cool. The concept of this bed was pretty innovative, but in the end, I'm afraid it's proven to be just a bunch of hot air. So why do people still in the market for these things, anyway? Just like buying an outdated VCR, or a home phone with a really long cord, you've got to ask yourself: what’s the point? Unless you like to take twenty minutes to rewind tapes, or prefer the idea of tripping over your 36-foot long phone cord every two minutes, it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The problem with the "air bed" can be easily identified by its own name: it’s made of air!

Just consider the inherent problem: anything with air leaks. From tires to balloons, anything that is filled by air inevitably leaks and will therefore require maintenance. Mattresses, of course, are no different. How many times have you been camping and decided to take an air mattress with you? At least once for every time you've made such an outing, I'd be willing to bet. I would also be willing to bet that you spent half your night of appreciating nature's bounty simply trying to keep the dang thing inflated.  And let me guess: you’re thinking, “yeah, but those are the cheap ones you buy at Wal-Mart! What about the stronger, permanent ones? What about the kind with the remote controls?” Trust me when I tell you that they have their problems too.  Stay tuned, and I'll fill you in on what they are.

The so-called "permanent" air bed consists of either one or two air chambers that are constructed inside of a polyurethane, vinyl, or rubber container. Without trying to get too technical here, I'll tell you that this container is then covered with a layer of canvas or some other fabric material. Stemming from the air chambers themselves are either one or two hoses, depending on the amount of chambers it contains. These hoses then plug into two valves that are built into an air inflater, which inflates the mattress.  In the case of a dual-chambered bed, the inflaters can be controlled with a set of two remote controls that adjust the air pressure [thus changing the firmness of the mattress on each side of the bed]. Pretty smart idea, right? Wrong. There is still the ever-present possibility that the mattress will leak [and especially the vinyl ones after frequent use], among other problems: what about if the air inflater breaks? How about if the remote controls malfunction? And anybody ever seen kids having the time of their lives jumping up and down on a bed with all their might? I don't know about you, but I sure wouldn't want the headache of worrying about my children doing something to tear up my delicate air mattress. But the warranty will cover it, right? Well, no... that's what you might call "highly unlikely," as most air mattress companies do not offer long-standing warranties.  And, as is true with anything else you buy: the less expensive the model, the skimpier the warranty.  The company will happily explain to you, I'm sure, that if you “misuse” the bed, they cannot be held liable.  Oh, and more little thing. Air mattresses are downright dangerous! "Air beds" have been known for years to suffocate children during the night due to the dips and creases in the bed caused by deflation.  Sure, the air bed might give you a good night's rest-- but be aware that it could be permanent.

So let's talk alternatives, because clearly the air mattress is out.  If you're anything like me, the pricetag on one of these things [upwards of two thousand dollars in some cases] seems like a lot of money for what could be a lot of irritating hassle. We could shave off a couple hundred bucks and go with a spring coil mattress, but they can certainly prove to be more pain than they're worth, and the warranty is typically no better. My suggestion for you instead: a memory foam mattress. They're becoming more and more affordable, and your odds of an ulcer due to upkeep frustrations are slim-to-none.  The best part is: no worries about the kids getting sucked into a deadly mattress during the night.  Memory foam is recommended by doctors who advise patients with chronic pain, as it's easy to maintain [no inflating or flipping required], relieves pressure, and increases blood flow throughout the body-- all of which means better overall health.  Not only does memory foam save you from constantly having to be concerned about wear and tear, it might even save you from having to make those pesky doctor's appointments, too.  And that, my friend, is even better than your favorite 80s mix-tape... as if that were possible.