Thanks to Ambien

This is a word of introduction and explanation. “They” thought it should start this way so that you’d all understand how and why all this came to be written.

I entered a writing competition.

Me? Those of you who know me will be surprised. I’m a bit of a joke around the house. Never even write down a list when I’m planning the shopping. Just look around the kitchen and remember what has run out — which is most of the usual things.

But I heard about this writing competition on KUWS, had them send me the details and I entered, never thinking anything would come of it. But a month or so later, the phone rings and it’s this man from a marketing company. They’re starting a website to tell people about Ambien, and they’d like me to help.

Well, I was shocked. Me an author and helping to sell Ambien online. So I had to ask straight away. I couldn’t start talking about this unless I knew. “What is Ambien?” I asked him straight out. It might be some kind of product, like a sex aid or something, that I wouldn’t want to talk about.

And he laughed in a nice way, saying that was exactly why they’d picked me. Not that I’m stupid or anything. But they wanted someone who’d never used Ambien to be the one to write about it. He said I’d sound more credible (had to look that up in the dictionary) than all the other fancy writers who’d entered the competition. They’d read every last word of the instructions. Apparently there were clues in there I never saw. Well, actually, I never read the instructions other than to get the address. I just saw the title I was supposed to write about and it spoke to me. This was me. I have this problem. I can write about this.

You see, I couldn’t sleep. Hadn’t been able to sleep properly for more than a year. And this nice man offered me everything to put it right. They would send me to a physician and we wouldn’t have to pay a cent. It would all be part of the payment for keeping a diary of what happened to me and how I felt about it all. If the physician approved, I would take this Ambien medication and then, because I wouldn’t know what to expect, I could write about it honestly.

“All you have to do,” he said, “is to tell people how you feel.”

So before I really had time to sit down and think about this, I was signed up. And has it been a bad thing? Well, I met the man on the phone and he’s cute. If I wasn’t married, I’d be looking at him. He laughs and jokes — never in an unkind way. He’s fun to be around. And, after a while, I took his Ambien. When you get to that part of the diary, we can compare notes — see if you felt the same way. If you haven’t tried Ambien yet, you can decide whether it’s for you.

And is life better? Well, better is a word you have to use with care. Life moves on. I have different problems now but, because I’m sleeping better thanks to Ambien, they seem easier to manage.

So who am I? A housewife from Madison, Wisconsin. Fortysomething with two teenagers who treat the house like it’s a hotel. I’m back to working part-time on the University campus. It’s not a big payer but, with my husband covering the necessities, I’m adding a few extras to make life more bearable.

I think that wraps this up. It’s been a scary ride for me, doing all kinds of things I never even heard of before. Hope you’ll join me, remembering that I’ve been paid to keep this diary. I’ve been allowed to say whatever I like, not just about Ambien, but about everything that’s happened to me. Mostly, they’ve covered all the medical bills (never had to buy Ambien myself), paid all my expenses in traveling round. That kind of thing rather than cash. Shame about that. Cash would have been better. But then I wouldn’t have gotten to see so much. Mustn’t grumble. My husband says it’s the least lovable thing I do.