Ade and a Bet
Even though I’m the proud owner of a Y chromosome, I love reality TV. I even applied for ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’, but I didn’t fancy wearing a white suit.
I had a much better time on ‘The X Factor’. As soon as I looked deep into Cheryl Tweedy’s eyes, I instantly knew there was something between us - it was eleven security guards.
I blame myself for not making it through to the boot camp - I told the judges that my parents were still alive. I should have told them that my old man had passed on - it’ll be true if he mentions last week’s Newcastle tip again.
A number of years ago, Paul McCartney and I swapped partners for a programme that would revolutionise TV. The format was still in its infancy then, so the pilot of ‘Wife-Beater Swap’ was never aired.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Heather Mills. I have to admit that I couldn’t keep up with her in the bedroom, which was somewhat ironic.
The wife was mostly disappointed by her stay with Paul, as she’s a big meat-eater. She said the Dung Beatle was a perfect gentleman though, until he had a Stella.
Adrian Chiles has reality television to thank for allowing the general public to become accustomed to seeing people who would normally only be employed on Halloween.
Chiles recently won first place in a Carlos Tevez look-alike competition, finishing narrowly ahead of Carlos Tevez.
The Brummie does have a pleasant personality, even taking into account the fact that his accent ensures that your thumb is always hovering over the mute button. He’s like Frank Skinner, only with fresher gags.
Chiles may be evolution’s error, but he does have a genuine love of football; so he’s the ideal candidate to present a new reality TV show: ‘The King of the Castle’.
Each week, Mike Ashley would set all applicants for the Newcastle manager’s job a series of hypothetical tasks. If any of the participants crack under the pressure by playing Wayne Rooney on the wing or paying over £7m for Robbie Keane, then they’re either fired or employed as Dennis Wise’s taxi driver.
The only possible flaw with the plan is that Ashley might sell his stake in the club before the show can be made. One bright spark has suggested that 30,000 locals each donate £1,000 to purchase the club themselves. I would have thought that a Geordie with over a grand to spare would no longer live in Newcastle.
All members of the Toon Army who are trying to raise cash should invest in Sunderland to beat Middlesbrough at 7/5. If my one point investment goes down, I’ll be more embarrassed than Adrian Chiles’ girlfriend.
(ArticlesBase SC #567440)
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Many soccer punters put a lot of effort to study on players, team strategies and odds movement but lose their bet at the end. In fact, soccer betting is simple. You should only pay attention on recent team statistics and bravely put your bet accordingly.
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Liverpool host Manchester City in Saturday's early kick-off match in a contest which is vital for both sides who are desperate to claw their way back into the Top 4. Liverpool have only picked-up 7 from the last 18 points available and their title challenge has all but disappeared, while big-spending Manchester City are on a run of five successive draws. Read more
Soccer experts provide you with betting tips, the media publishes the latest news about the opponent teams and their key players, bookmakers support hundreds of betting methods… However, when you finally place your huge wager on a sure favorite, this is the time to start praying...
Now calculated in days and hours rather than months and weeks, the business end of pre-season is upon us as spread bettors countdown to the new Premier League season. Despite months of transfer tittle tattle, other than Manchester City’s oil-rich owners signing blank cheques to fund Mark Hughes’ expensive shopping tastes all summer, there has so far been a level of circumspection not often witnessed in the cash-fuelled Premier League years.
Chelsea made no mistake against Manchester City following last weekend's shock defeat at Fulham as they won comfortably at Stamford Bridge.
Manchester United could delay Chelsea's celebrations by a further week while Portsmouth could relegate both West Bromwich Albion and Birmingham City this weekend writes David Walker.
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Soccer experts provide you with betting tips, the media publishes the latest news about the opponent teams and their key players, bookmakers support hundreds of betting methods… However, when you finally place your huge wager on a sure favorite, this is the time to start praying...
‘It takes me a long while to reach the stage where I feel comfortable enough with a partner to move things on to a physical level. When the time does finally arrive, I’m often so overcome with emotion that I’ll gently shed a few tears. Although this may just be a reaction to the mace.’
‘Tottenham may be as impotent as Melanie Chisholm’s boyfriend when sobriety arrives, but if they can’t ease past Hull in front of their own supporters they should rename the ground ‘White Flag Lane.’
‘I definitely wouldn’t have been so obsessed with the dilapidated presenter if the wife had dished out a little more pie. In her defence, she has picked up a nasty rash in an area that makes such behaviour problematic – it’s the most irritating twat since Michel Platini.’
‘A number of years ago, Paul McCartney and I swapped partners for a programme that would revolutionise TV. The format was still in its infancy then, so the pilot of ‘Wife-Beater Swap’ was never aired.’
‘Wayne Rooney may have played reasonably well against Croatia in midweek, but that performance is merely papering over the cracks. You can put lipstick on a pig - but you should never marry her in Italy.’
‘Capello is a definite personality. He once told Paolo Di Canio that his face looked like a penis. He could say the same about Joey Barton: after all, you are what you eat.’
‘My bitterness towards America may well be born of my early sexual encounters. I learned about ‘the birds and the bees’ from watching ‘Deliverance’. Whenever I make love, I sound like Jade Goody.’
‘China does have nice areas though, particularly Tibet. Knife crime is practically unheard of over there - but chopstick attacks are through the roof.’
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