Forgiveness: a Key to Peace of Mind

Forgiveness: A Key To Peace Of Mind

Forgiveness plays a critical role in the life of a person. It is inevitable if you must have peace of mind, otherwise you may carry the burden of guilt throughout life. Guilt is one terrible psychological disease for which the only therapy is forgiveness.

Those who fail to take the issue of forgiveness seriously most often live miserably, as they are haunted by the consequences of their offences for life.

A working definition of ‘forgiveness’ is appropriate at this juncture. The word, ‘Forgive’ derived from ‘forgiveness’ means to overlook, pardon or show compassion. It implies not-to-take action-against, not to revenge. It is a gracious act, or kind disposition of the offended towards the offender, in place of revenge or retaliation.

Forgiveneness has to be combined with forgetfulness in order to truly achieve the peace of mind. It means that once you are offended, and the offender has apologized, showed remorse, and exhibited a sense of repentance, then you should not only forgive the offender but should also forget the offence committed, and the injury inflicted upon you (if any). At the level of an individual appropriate steps must be taken to prevent the circumstances that occasioned the offence in the first instance. This could be in form of changes in habit, discipline or related emotional or psychological adjustments. At the level of the society both preventive, and curative measures must be institutionalised to checkmate the evil action that eventually result in forgiveness. It could be in form of policy review that bothers on peoples welfare, unemployment, value system, and ethics among others.

However, forgiveness cannot take place when the offender does not show remorse, or repent of his misdemeanor (sins). Genuine repentance can only come when a person accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and begins a new life in Him. Hence, the Bible states that if any man is in Christ, he becomes a new creature, old things have passed away, behold they have become new (II Cor. 5:17). It is this power of the gospel that turns a sinner to be a saint. Since the gospel is capable of bringing about a changed life, then it is important that the gospel be preached more inorder to decimate the population of the wicked, and make the world a better place to live in.

Forgiveness is a daily affair that has to be practiced in interpersonal relationship inorder to achieve a peace of mind. For forgiveness to be meaningful, it has to be combined with forgetfulness. This means that as you forgive the offender, you forget the offence by not allowing it to influence your subsequent action or reaction towards him/her. This is one veritable way of enjoying the peace of mind. Although some real life experiences may not readily lend to this. However, with conscious determination, and belief that with God all things are possible forgiveness and forgetfulness can be applied in any issue in life, be it cases of unhappy marriage, loss of loved ones, loss of job, material resources or other related misfortune. .

The Bible admonishes to “forgive one another” and “as Christ forgave you, so also do ye (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). In response to a question as to the number of times a person can offend you after which you stop forgiving him, the Lord Jesus Christ recommended 70 x 7, that is 490 times. (Matthew 18:21).

The following seven virtues can facilitate forgiveness and the desired peace of mind:

i) Love. This means that you are concerned, and interested in other people’s welfare. You love indiscriminately; you love both the unloved and the unlovable. Love serves rather than being served. God loves you inspite of who you are.

ii) Believe in the brotherhood of mankind. Man (used in the generic sense) is created in the image of God. Therefore, you need to respect your fellow man irrespective of race, culture, color, religion, geographical location or status in the society.

iii) Speak the truth. Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’. In Revelation 21:8 the Bible states that no liar will enter into the kingdom of God. So, in domestic and non- matters be a man of your words. In business under-promise, but over-deliver. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

iv) Put yourself in other’s position. Do to others as you would want them to do to you.

If you don’t like slander, don’t slander others; if you don’t like to be defrauded, don’t defraud others; and if you don’t like backbiting, don’t backbite or gossip others. Neither should you encourage, abet or condone these vices.

v) Learn to forgive. The Bible teaches on the need to learn how to forgive. In Matthew18:15-20 the Bible recommends three steps for the aggrieved to achieve reconciliation. The first step is that you should meet the offender directly, and call his/her attention to the wrong done or offence committed against you. The purpose is to provide an opportunity for him/her to apologise, so that both of you would resolve the issue there and then.

In case the reconciliation fails at this level, then go to the next level. This involves inviting at least two people to intervene in the matter. If the offending partner remains stubborn, then report the matter to the church leadership. If the offending partner still proofs to be irreconciliable, the Bible admonishes that he should be treated as an unbeliever. The need to follow all this grievance resolution procedure is to ensure peace (of mind) at all cost.

vi) Pay back what you owe. Roman 13:8. The scriptures discourage being a debtor. Therefore, you should live within your income. Proverbs 22:7 states that a borrower is servant to the lender. Anything God cannot give you, you should not desire it, much less borrow it. Failure to heed this injunction can result in undue stress, worry, anxiety, hypertension or other emotional disturbances.

vii) Identify with others in their moments of joy and sorrow.

You need to be sympathetic and empathic. Be involved in other people’s affairs as much as practicable especially when invited. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and commiserate with the bereaved; support the widow, orphan, the elderly and the sick.

It pays to forgive, and forget. Apart from the peace of mind which forgiveness gives, it also makes one to be at peace with God.  Some benefits include:

• Ability to pray without any hindrance.


• Longevity. According to medical experts, those who harbor hatred, bitterness or rancour age faster, because their bodies consume more energy that those who do not.


• If you forgive others, you can be sure of God’s forgiveness of your sins too.


• Forgiveness removes the burden of guilt, and enhances a clear conscience.

Forgiveness may be difficult but it is not impossible. It only requires a deliberate effort to do this. If you desire it and consciously work towards it, you will find it easy to achieve, and enjoy your peace mind.

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Samson Adeyekun is a Samson Adeyekun is a Consultant, Human Resources Expert, Trainer, Investor, Coach, Motivational Speaker, Professional Proof Reader, and Preacher. He organises seminars, workshops and conferences regularly. He is married and blessed with children. He and his family live in Lagos, Nigeria.