Grief - The Silent Epidemic

Grief affects the life of every person at some point in their lives and is a silent epidemic in our society. We do not educate people to deal with loss and that the true nature of everything is impermanent. Grief is usually the condition that is associated with the death of a loved one but you can also suffer its effects due to long periods of stress and worry, the loss of a job, reactions to a traumatic event and the breakdown of a relationship.

Just because the person does not physically die does not mean that you will be immune from the effects of grief as a result of them leaving. Even lack of meaning in your life can bring on feelings of grief. Many people suffer grief as a result of their pet dying. In some cases grief can last for many years. There are 611,800 deaths in the UK every year.

The Five Stages

The general stages of grief are denial/numbness, anger/fear, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Each stage has its own time frame and this differs from person to person. Following a loss, a person first may be stunned or distressed with the shock. The human body releases chemicals, such as adrenalin, in response to shock. These are to help with thinking, alertness and coping with pain. The person may have physical reactions such as sleeplessness, difficulty in sitting still or concentrating and most commonly loss of appetite, tummy upset, or even chest pains - which should be checked by a doctor. Often people can feel numb or as though they are on "automatic pilot".

The sorrow of grief saps your energy, making even simple tasks like getting out of bed in the morning, tending to personal grooming, fixing a meal or going somewhere with friends seem overwhelming and exhausting. You may feel negative and critical toward everything and everyone, including yourself.

The Double Bind

If your loved one has died then you are in what psychologists call a ‘double bind’. The very person who you would normally work problems in life out with is no longer alive. This can leave you feeling very alone and sad. Your healing process can be delayed by not expressing your feelings. Grief counselling is very helpful if not essential in these situations.

Knights With Broken Hearts

In the Middle Ages, when the Knights found their hearts broken, they were treated as being weak. Due to the display of what was then considered feminine emotions, they were not only ridiculed but also rejected from the society they lived in and at times, lost their reputations. Not until an Islamic medical text was translated into latin and then read by English physicians was broken heartedness understood and treated as something genuinely human. Chinese Medicine acknowledges grief as being one of the seven governing emotions within their medical system. When there is an excess of it, the organ most associated - the lung, is affected giving rise to asthma and chest infections. Some accupunture can help restore and support the system. Especially the blocks that might develop.

Warm Company

Times of crisis can show you who your real friends are. They are the ones coming in when everyone else is leaving during a crisis. With the loss a loved one a person can feel very much alone and the tradition of visiting the bereaved stems from the wish to alleviate this.  Just sitting with the bereaved can be of great comfort. The bereaved need to know that grief comes in stages. Facing loss alone magnifies the intensity of grief and the loneliness that it can bring.

Flower Remedies

The initial reaction to loss is usually shock. The Bach flower remedy mix ‘Rescue Remedy’ brings us quickly to a more stable state. Some people carry it with them everywhere. The remedy Star of Bethlehem contained in the remedy mixture is especially for any trauma, physical, or emotional. Dr. Bach described it as “the comforter and soother of pains and sorrows.” The Australian Bush Flower Emergency or Relationship Essence is also especially helpful in these situations. Flower remedies can transform negative emotions that have been with people for years. Bach compared his remedies to that of beautiful music or arrangements of colour, or any glorious uplifting medium that gives inspiration. His cure was not to attack the disease but to flood the body with beautiful vibrations from wild flowers and herbs in the presence of which “disease would melt away as snow in sunshine.”

Homeopathic Remedies

After the first shock, comes a parade of other emotions, or sometimes just an inner numbness or emptiness. Homeopathy can help ease a process that is going to be painful. The remedy Ignatia is the first one thought of for everyone after a loss. Especially for those who grieve outwardly through sobbing. For those caught in a double bind and who tend to send the grief inwards and suppress their emotions and who prefer to cry alone Natrum Mur is the appropriate remedy. Aurum, which is gold, was said to be the remedy needed for those who committed suicide after losing fortunes in the Great Depression. This is recommended for those who have a deeply wounded heart and those who have stopped eating and drinking in reaction to a loss.

The medical tantras of the Tibetans advice not to leave a person greiving alone. To give them gentle company and to talk of good positive things.

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