Fred Horowitz with his partner Frank Bonkowski have created an information-based products website - www.happiness-after-midlife.com related to happiness and aging. Fred used to practice dentistry for 10 years and Frank has a Ph.D. in applied linguistics.
My view on happiness is informed by the Eastern spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism and Sufism. I’m also clear that all spiritual/religious systems share the same principles.
I like this Taoist quote as it applies to happiness…
"It is only when you seek it that you lose it.
You cannot take hold of it, nor can you get rid of it;
While you can do neither, it goes on its own way.
You remain silent and it speaks; you speak and it is silent.
Seeking happiness leads to more seeking. It’s like chasing a carrot at the end of a stick.
Happiness is not about doing. It’s not a getting to phenomenon. It is a coming from phenomenon. It occurs in the domain of being.
Ok. That sounds great! But what do I need to do to be happy. What’s the recipe? Tell me how. This leads to more of the same as in the definition of insanity -- “doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.”
Well, one of the Buddha’s “Noble Truths” is that man is ignorant. We do not know who we really are and relate to each other as “skin bags” – separate from one another. This is the source of suffering. And until we get who we truly are, authentic happiness is not possible.
The Terror of “No-Self”
When I was about eleven years old, I realized that some day, I was going to die. The thought of this terrorized me, depressed me and I felt very anxious. It has continued to haunt me until the last ten years or so, where I have come to understand and appreciate the source of the fear. A more accurate way of expressing this is that I got it.
Through the different spiritual teachings and practices I have been engaged in, I realize I have identified with whoever/whatever I consider Fred to be – that death means that Fred will not be around forever. Fred is his body, thoughts, feelings, emotions, roles and responsibilities.
All spiritual traditions say that there is no-self – only consciousness, or everything/nothing or source, which is eternal. That is who we are. So when I die, “who dies”?
As an executive coach, I work with business owners and executives, who are for the most part driven by their work and want to succeed. They already may be successful but not fulfilled and happy. Something is missing, as in the Peggy Lee song, “Is that all there is?”
As a way for them to be more at peace, less preoccupied with “busyness” and happier, I challenge them to sit for five minutes each day for one week, in which they need to be in a quiet environment, with their eyes closed. They are to focus on their breath and when thoughts arise, they are to come back to their breath.
In the twelve years I have offered this challenge, not one of my clients has completed it. I suspect that when they are present to their thoughts and feelings, they start to come into the terror (anxiety of “nothingness”) that I have experienced, which is too much for them to bear.
They do not realize that the best way out of an unwanted state is to dive thoroughly into it. On the other side is peace, fulfillment, freedom and happiness.
Dr. Fred
- Related Articles
- Related Q&A
- How to Attract Happiness & Spiritual Abundance
- 3-part Happiness Formula to Brighten your Life
- Happiness is a 3-Part Formula: The AIR Equation
- Internal Meditation Can Also Make Your Heart Happy…
- Internal Meditation Can Also Make Your Heart Happy….........
- Paradox of Happiness: Learning From Eastern Spiritual Traditions
- Needs and Happiness
- Where does happiness live?




THE ULTIMATE POWER BEHIND REALITY
By: maro | 14/11/2009THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT THE LAW OF ATTRACTION, MIND POWER AND OTHER SIMILAR SUBJECTS, BUT THE MORE YOU READ THE MORE CONFUSED YOU GET. SO WHAT IS THE ULTIMATE POWER WHICH ACTUALLY MOTIVATES THE EXPERIENCE OF OUR REALITY?
Channeling Your Spiritual Guide – How to Connect
By: Lori Meyer | 14/11/2009Developing a connection and relationship with your spiritual guide is not as difficult as most people think. You don't need to possess psychic abilities to connect with spirit.
Motivate yourself to reach new heights of life
By: Andrew James | 12/11/2009otivating oneself is an art of telling and convincing oneself about one’s own capabilities. At times, when we are extremely caught up with our own problems, we forget our real self and tend to undermine our self.
Follow your dreams; they will come true
By: Andrew James | 12/11/2009dream realizes its worth when it comes true. When you have a dream, it remains within you. But when you work hard to realize it, then it comes to its real sense. What you dream to achieve in your life maybe perceived as God’s scheme to keep you involved in your life. There are some dreams that He gifts you in the hope that by following your dreams you will live your life in a passionate manner. Dreams teach you to look forward in life.
Derive inner strength from meditation
By: Andrew James | 12/11/2009editation is defined as a state in which an individual’s attention is concentrated on a particular object of thought. In such a state, the attention of the individual is turned inwards to a single point. It is often acknowledged as a crucial element of religions practiced across Asia, such as Hinduism and Buddhism in countries such as India, China, Sri Lanka, Indonesia etc. Meditation has been practiced by these religions for more than 5,000 years.
Can materialism and spirituality go together?
By: Andrew James | 12/11/2009n today’s world, money is found to be the root cause of people getting tense, becoming stressed, and facing several other emotional problems. Their life centers on money and the various pleasures that it provides. It is the cradle of various issues in life. People are becoming increasingly materialistic and getting detached from the spiritual aspects of life. If people have any passion in life, it centers on money, because it has become a common thought that one can buy happiness in life with money.
YOUR INTUITIVE GUIDE
By: eveline | 12/11/2009A sixth sense, spiritual insight, instinct; (the ability) to know something without conscious reasoning, immediate apprehension...pure knowledge>> INTUITION...the guiding light from within. The primary force is intuition.
OUR SPIRITUAL NATURE
By: eveline | 12/11/2009Whether we are aware of it or not, spiritual growth is always happening. Spirituality is our alignment with our higher self; it's our personality lining up with our soul, in harmony.
Caring Can Be hazardous To Your Health - Effectively Dealing With Midlife
By: Dr. Fred Horowitz | 30/09/2009 | SpiritualityThe article distinguishes among three separate concepts: being committed to someone or something, caring and overcaring. Commitment and caring have an appropriate place in effectively dealing with midlife. Overcaring can be costly to our sense of well-being and happiness.
Paradox of Happiness: Learning From Eastern Spiritual Traditions
By: Dr. Fred Horowitz | 09/01/2009 | SpiritualityMy view on happiness is informed by the Eastern spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism and Sufism. Happiness isn't something to be found "out there." It is really a matter of self-realization.