Dairy of Spread Bettor (Week 16th)

Thursday 3rd September

Spent the morning peddling a giant Swan pedalo in Ryde, Isle of Wight – with my family of course! It was extremely hard work and I should have picked up a 5 day peddling ban for failing to keep my swan on a true racing line.

Left Salisbury’s trappy looking card alone as we all ventured back home in the afternoon on a very windy ferry journey. I was very close to buying Raine’s Cross at 29 on the index, but as I was unable to watch or even listen, I opted to leave it alone. Surprise, surprise it won!

Friday 4th September

The day Kieren Fallon returned was the day that I was off again! I was on a lunchtime flight to Munich with ten lunatics on a mate’s stag weekend, so missed his eagerly awaited first ride back. I was convinced that all his mounts would be sent off ridiculously short as betting shop punters backed him blind so sold each of his rides for £5 on the index.

I was still in the air when he was beaten into second aboard 13/8 shot Rare Malt in the opener and was in baggage reclaim when Roodee King only managed fourth at a very skinny 2/1. Diriculous went off a ridiculous 7/1 and joined Satwa Gold in finishing out of the frame. I netted a tidy 38 point profit (£190) for my work and decided to call it a day on the punting front. There was no point betting on the cricket as there was no chance of watching it in Munich and even though I fancied selling Fallon’s three at Kempton, I opted to keep my powder dry.

Saturday 5th September

Woke up with the hangover from hell and was a little bit irritated with myself when I found out that Fallon was still winner-less on his way to Haydock. I quickly placed all my bets for the day before heading off to a water park where I knew more beer would cloud my judgement.

I bought £20 of Fallon’s High Standing in the Sprint Cup at 21 on the index, as well as £10 of Regal Parade at 11. My racing bets were completed by a £10 buy of Kings Destiny at 16 in the Old Borough Cup and a £15 buy The Scorching Wind at 14 in Kempton’s 4.20pm race.

Well, the awful experience of the water park was quickly diluted by some fantastic racing results. Regal Parade (£390 profit) won the Sprint Cup with High Standing back in third (£20 loss). King Destiny finished fourth (£60 loss), but The Scorching Wind bolted up netting a further £540.

The majority of the water slides had an 85kg weight limit which was a little bit disappointing for someone who hasn’t weighed in at that mark since he was about 13! However, the water rapids were great fun and were made that little bit better when The Scorching Wind bolted up. The German sausages at lunchtime weren’t great however and ironically gave me scorching wind!

The events of the evening cannot be documented in this column… just in case it is read by someone who shouldn’t read it. Decided not to have a bet on the England game as the Boobz Bar was only showing Germany v New Zealand!

Sunday 6th September

I don’t know if you can get Spina Bifida from a heavy session in Munich but I literally couldn’t move when the alarm clock went off. I crawled my way out of bed and the rest of the day was more than just a bit of a blur. We got the 3pm flight home and once again opted to give the cricket a miss.

I fancied one of Richard Hannon’s in the opening nursery at York, but embarrassed myself when ringing up to find out its price. Not only was it not a non-runner, it had never been declared in the first place. Anyway, look out for Magnus Thrax, he’ll be winning again soon.

Monday 7th September

It’s so nice waking up in your own bed and not feeling awful!

Didn’t do anything on the racing except have a few quid each way on Mastery at 20/1 for Saturday’s St Leger. Spent most of the day at my desk playing catch-up, although did sell £15 of Harrington at 10 on the 25/10/5 live Deutsche Bank Championship index when he was bang in contention at -4 for his round. Luckily for me (and not him), he bogeyed the next hole and then double-bogeyed the 12th. All this meant he finished out of the first three and made me £150.

Don’t feel sorry for him or suggest that I am profiting from someone else’s misfortune. I’d happily swop the £150 profit I made on his collapse with the $330,000 dollars he trousered (don’t you love that expression) for finishing tied for fourth.

Tuesday 8th September

I’d received a text a few days earlier from a good judge (of the racing variety rather than a high court one!) telling me to look out for a John Gosden trained newcomer at Goodwood called Namaskar. Well, she was priced up at around 7/2 early doors and was nibbled at. However, she didn’t just take a walk in the market, it was more of a sprint. The 7/2 was quickly 9/2 which was soon 13/2…

She would apparently improve on whatever she did today and connections were a little bit worried that she may be just a bit too leggy for Goodwood. I opted to leave her alone.

Damn it… the leggy bitch won and at a massive price! ‘Market may prove the best guide’ – what a load of nonsense, never take those words on board again.

Wednesday 9th September

England v Croatia, but my big opinion was in Scotland’s game against Holland. I bought £200 of Dutch total goals at 1.5 and bought £20 of their win index at 15. I didn’t really have that strong an opinion on the England game, so ended up selling £100 of total goals at 2.6.