Success id nothing but success...
Already as a child, my need for a change was very prominent: I was reluctant to repeat anything more than twice or three times. I was not the type of person who ate the same piece of chicken every day, wore blue jeans only, or slept at the same hours. When I learned to play the violin (At the age of 5 ½, on a violin bigger than myself) I found it difficult to repeat the pieces or exercises as they were written, and started to improvise whenever I could; playing with the Town Orchestra I would not stop playing when the music sheets said so, adding some notes here and there – much to the conductors resentment. He chose to change the instruments I played – as he saw fit. Regretfully (his) it did not work out. My inner urge to change has not stopped.
My parents, teachers, friends and other acquaintances found it hard to understand that this behavior of mine was due to my need for challenge, for something new, for growth and personal development. I did not fear failures – and until this day I still believe that SUCCESS MEANS NOTHING AFTER HAVING ACHIEVED IT. On the other hand – failure makes us think of a change, thus failure is a much more significant factor in finding solutions.
Change in itself is positive, as can be seen in the story of one of my previous patients – a renowned musician of the philharmonic orchestra, who actually managed to make his dream come true by playing in the best of orchestras. One day he stopped to ask himself – what now? And he had no answer. He traveled along with the orchestra on their concert tours, played in various magnificent halls – and did not enjoy any of it. He found it especially difficult when he had to get up repeatedly on the ‘encores’. “… When I know there is going to be an encore, just the thought of it makes me sick”, he used to say. And the ‘encores’ kept coming, because our orchestra is one of the best, and each concert ends with 10 encores at least. In short, he needed a change, but could not admit it, even to himself.
Similarly, many other people regard change as a threat to their very existence. This is why people usually prefer to keep their routine and monotonous life for years. They eat the same food, live in the same house, never change the furniture, never change their job and retain the same morning and bedtime schedule. It gives them a sense of security – which is false - and at the same time causes disturbances such as dissatisfaction with their work and boredom. Eventually they may find out one important thing: ROUTINE CAN DESTROY EVERYTHING – career, friendship and – mainly – sex. This book can give you some tools, to help you make the change.
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The need for a change is only one of the topics, discussed in this book. Choice is the second. As I see it, as a human being and a therapist, we – people – have the ability to choose our thoughts, emotions, decisions, all of which are followed by reactions and behavior.
In other words: The past is not ours any more, the future is unknown yet – and we think, feel and behave here and now! The present is what we can control. We better not live our lives according to what we “have” to do, since we will always feel that we do not have the power to navigate through different situations. Therefore, we must listen to our will, or lack of it, and attempt to act accordingly.
This book concentrates on manners by which we can control our emotional and physical sensations. We can do it. We will describe, in simple and clear language, some of the tools, with which we can make the choice and the change.
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In this book, I chose to focus on several main subjects (including problems typical to certain ages), such as pain, sex, depression etc’, all concerned with our body and soul, throughout our entire lives. I make no discrimination between body and soul, since, as I see it - there is no soul without a body and no body without soul. They are one entity.
Special emphasis is made on Biofeedback technique, which enables us to learn, by simple devices, how to control various actions taking place within our body. I refer to activities usually considered uncontrollable – such as body temperature, and degree of pain. The book is based mainly on behavioral cognitive psycho-therapeutic treatment, combined with biofeedback.
Due to the vast clinical experience I have gained during some thirty-six years of work, I am convinced, now more than ever, that both doctors and other professionals should pass on the knowledge,
they have acquired in this area of science in general, and psychology and behavior especially, not only to professionals, but to people, who live their everyday lives, dealing with a variety of situations. The vaster a man’s knowledge, the greater his power.
Knowledge Is Power
Knowledge is a full reservoir, which enables us to function in various situations of life, in the best, appropriate, correct manner. The book contains also stories of patients I worked with, all under false names.
I would also like to stress the fact that all information, proposals and life histories presented here, are meant to complement the diagnosis, the treatment and the counseling given by the professional system (medical, psychological, etc’). By no means should it replace them.
Efficiency Is Not Effectiveness
In this chapter I would like to concentrate on two concepts: “efficiency” and “effectiveness”. There is a great difference between the two. Efficiency means doing things by the book; Effectiveness means doing things right, for a given situation. When we play by the book, we not always achieve at the best results. A cleaning woman, supposed to clean the house in six hours and does it within six hours exactly – is efficient. She has done her job, and gets paid by the hour. Another cleaning woman, finishing the job in three hours, earns less money, but as far as the lady of the house is concerned – she is effective.
Since in everyday life situations keep changing, and are not in our control, we have to be effective: We must be flexible, and adapt ourselves to changing situations.
When I wrote this book, I wished it, first and foremost, to be effective; that by the end of reading, you, the reader will be able to apply some of my recommendations. The book does not supply you with a ready-made formula by which to act. It is intended to equip you with tools, effectively applicable in changing situations. The book is a sort of screwdriver, to be used by the reader. It cannot saw an iron rod, but it can tighten loose screws in your glasses and open an electric switch.
The book here is arranged in such a manner, that each chapter is a separate entity. You can concentrate on chapters, which are of more interest to you, except for the first chapter, presenting the biofeedback technique and its main tools – which should be read in any case. Due to this form of writing, duplicity may occur in some of the chapters.
I sincerely hope that by the end of reading you will have achieved a sense of confidence, and a feeling that you can actually control your body and your emotions – and actually do it. You can do it – now! You have great power – in the words you choose to use, and certainly in the thoughts you wish to express. If you manage to choose and apply but one idea – this will be my reward.
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Last but not least – tributes.
I wish to thank my wife Tania for her patience, as well as my dear daughters; my patients, from whom I have learned so much; and the children who enabled me establish a dialogue with the child in me;
I wish to thank the adolescents, who shed some light on an interesting period of our life; the couples who showed me how beautiful their relations can be, and hence – family relations; to older people, who proved that in spite of age one could still be young and creative, if they wish.
Thanks to Yael Seidman, who assisted in editing.
And mostly, thank you - the reader, for choosing to read my book. Your choice shows curiosity and openness for the new and the different, instead of clinging to the old routine. All there is left for me to do is wish you an enjoyable reading.
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